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Hi, Jen. It is you from the future. I got a hold of your diaries when you were 27. In one of your entries, you said that you wished you had an older sister or a mentor. So, today I'm going to be that person for you. Mhm. So, let's get into it. You have got to start tracking your menstrual cycle. You might think it's not a big deal. Your period is pretty regular, but you will realize that you're kind of a slightly different version of yourself within that cycle. So, quick rundown, there is follicular, ovulation, lutil, and menration. But the phase we really got to watch out for is the lutil phase. The lutil phase is when you are the most prickly, most sensitive version of yourself. So you never want
this to come behind you like a tsunami. You want to be front and center watching it come. So that way you can manage your stress appropriately. So there are really easy ways to track your cycle. You can use an aura ring. You can even use like a basil temperature thermometer. Pop it in my mouth first thing in the morning. Put it down in my tracking app and then it will predict your cycle for the month. like you'll literally get a calendar of what to expect which is pretty neat. Now when I see that ooh this is going to be my lutil phase I'll make sure that I avoid any high pressure events or situations and then also limit caffeine limit alcohol just to really set myself up for success.
I am really grateful that you made it a habit to exercise consistently in your 20s. And you're still going to exercise pretty much every day, but for different reasons. Back then, it was really about whittling yourself to the smallest size you possibly could. You have to come to terms that you are never going to look like those girls that you follow on social media. They're not 5'2. They don't have a physique like you. Like, it's as if you were a cow, but you're comparing yourself to a kangaroo. Like, you're never going to look like that. And at 34, you're still going to be pretty aware of how you look, but much less so. I think as I get older, I'm realizing that the way I look is probably the least interesting thing
about me. The main reason why you are at the gym every day, it's for this your brain right here. Because after you work out, you feel a deeper sense of well-being. And it's easier to complete tasks when you're in a better mood. Period. I want to drop the biggest fashion tip I could ever give you because you're always going to be experimenting with your style, different silhouettes, different textures. But I've come to realize that my outfits are elite when I prioritize practicality because there are outfits that you wear for the internet. This is when you want to make more of a spectacle out of yourself. And then there's outfits for reality. There's nothing wrong with either category, but I've noticed that I
shine the best when I feel comfortable. Consider the weather and how much you're going to walk. Like when I'm too cold, when I'm too hot, or when my feet hurt. So, save those kitten pointy shoes for like a dinner in West Hollywood with valet. Honestly, there's nothing worse than wearing an outfit that is too tight or too irritating. then you start feeling all self-conscious and that just bleeds into your whole experience and it quite literally kills your own vibe. So, for today's outfit, I'm going to just keep things pretty casual. For example, I feel like this outfit is very appropriate for today. Wearing a tube top that feels very secure. I can jump and it doesn't fall down. Just because
you're dressing practically doesn't mean that you're compromising your style at all. One tip I can give you about journaling is to try and remember to journal when you're also feeling happy because those entries in 2017 to 2019, they're all dark. Where is the happiness? Because clearly there were moments that you felt joy, but you didn't write them down. When you're feeling happy, I know the last thing you want to do is like sit down and reflect, but I feel like that is precisely when you should write down your thoughts and feelings because you want to capture those. You don't want to be in your deathbed being like, "Girl, my life was sad." You want to remember the light and the dark. That's what
gives everything depth. But I'm really glad that you wrote down all your entries of your therapy sessions. And on the topic of therapy, I want to thank BetterHelp for sponsoring this video. Each session that I ever went to, it helped me. Even if I didn't think that it was helping me at the time because there have been a lot of sessions where I go into it and I'm like gh that was just not productive or I actually feel worse from it. I didn't even realize like how much I needed it. And because I wrote down my sessions, it gave me a tangible guideline of the things that I wanted to be aware of, things that were triggering me, and things that I
ultimately wanted to heal from. And I think a lot of people avoid therapy because maybe they're afraid of change, maybe they're afraid of the stigma that comes around it. For a while, my parents were not against therapy, but there was just some sort of like dark cloud around it because it was not very culturally accepted at their time. And it even persists today. So to help understand the therapy stigma, especially in the younger generation, BetterHelp launched their first ever state of the stigma survey where they asked over 16,000 participants about their thoughts on mental health and therapy. And the results really bum me out because when you find a good therapist, they can really listen and give you advice and
ask you the questions that are really going to help shape a new version of yourself. So, if you think that you can benefit from speaking to a licensed therapist, this is your sign to start now. You can go to the link in my description box or go to betterhelp.com/jen, that's better h e l p to get connected to a therapist in just a couple of days. You can also use this link to get 10% off your first month. Being alone is weird for you. like you enjoy being alone on your own terms, but the second you want to hang out with people and they're all busy. That is when you squirm. You're like, "Ugh, I guess I can't go out. I guess I can't go
to that restaurant or that bookstore." These are lies. If you really want to do something, but you can't find anyone to do it with you. You have every right to go by yourself. Your preferences are more strongly defined when you are doing something by yourself. Like, what do you choose when no one else is watching? And honestly, I'm still on the road to being okay on my own. It is hard because whenever I'm experiencing something really joyful or something beautiful, the first thought in my mind is, "Oh, I wish like my son was here or I wish my friends were here or you know, there's always someone I wish I was there with me to experience it." But enjoying something entirely to yourself by
yourself, that is also something really special. Carve out some small pockets of you time, not where you're just chilling at home and you're confined in your own comfort zone. Like, it's important to explore the world outside of you alone, too. So, I thought I would take my own advice and go on a little solo adventure. It's not really adventure. We're getting pizza. So, I'm parked outside of Dano. This is a pizza spot that has been saved in my Google Maps for months, perhaps years. And today I thought that I would discover and try it by myself. We're here. One of the things I really want to talk about is slowing down. I feel like right now you're rushing a lot. There's a beauty in punctuality and efficiency. But before you rush a little too hard,
really ask yourself, what exactly are you rushing for? Is this a timeline that you have imposed on yourself? Feel like it makes more sense to save the urgency when it actually matters, for example, like an appointment or a reservation. But anything else, as long as you complete it by the end of the day, you are fine, honey. There's no need to make your nervous system go berserk. Oh my gosh, my pizza's here. Thank you. That looks incredible. You make the biggest mistakes when you are rushing. It's never when you have your full undivided attention at the task at hand. So, just focus on that. Just focus on doing the best job you can with whatever you're doing. This is a soft reminder that
those text messages can wait. Those projects you're going to get done. If anything, I feel like the reason why you rush is because when you know you have to do something, there's this anxiety that builds. Like you feel like you can't rest until something is completed. But you know what, baby? There's always going to be things to complete. And constantly being stressed and overwhelmed is not going to help you. So, you got to relax. Take your time. Doesn't mean that you're lazy. It's better to take your time on something rather than rushing and then making errors. you might as well just do it slower, but do it right rather than rushing something, getting it wrong, and
having you do it again. With that said, let's try this pizza. Oh my god, look at this pizza in all its glory. Okay, I feel like this is a good slice to start off with. Of course, we've got to add some hot pepper flakes. Let's give it a go. This is a very balanced pizza. It's not too thin where it can't hold its own structure. It's just very balanced. As I've said, I feel like pizza is the perfect solo food to get because whatever you don't eat, you can just easily take back in a box and it keeps well and so you can enjoy it again another time. I know right now you're trying to water every single friend in your life, including acquaintances, and I'm sorry, but that is literally just draining you.
Dumbar's number is like we can maintain up to 150 close friends but even that number I think is really challenging. Even maintaining 25 friends is really difficult. I think a more realistic number is maintaining 15 relationships in your life that includes family and friends. I think that's really doable because we don't got a lot of time babe. We really don't. So you want to make sure that each of those hours count. Like according to Mel Robbins, it takes 200 hours for an acquaintance to feel like a close friend. That is a lot of hours in adult years. You feel me? So who are you going to be spending those hours with? Who are you going to be
clocking in with? But my theory is once you surpass 200 hours with somebody, I feel like then they become one of those friends where you just pick up exactly where you left off. There's a lot of factors on what makes a friend good, but I think my favorite is energy transfer. Do I feel enriched and nourished after hanging out with you? Or do I feel depleted and hollow? And it doesn't have to be a plus+ plus every single hang. But if it's a consistent deficit each time, then I think it's fair to put that friendship on pause. And also trust your intuition more. There are going to be certain people in your life where every time you hang out with them, you're like, hm, I don't know if they actually
like me. like you're left feeling confused if they even like you. That feeling is real, especially if it's consistently happening. Life is just too short to be hanging out with people where you just feel unsure and uneasy. It's just not worth it. Asking for help is also an art form. There's going to be a lot of things in your life that you just don't know how to do. And that's okay. There's so much mystery in the world. Like asking for help doesn't mean that you're stupid or you're incapable. It just means like you need an extra hand. It's not that deep. And I think my biggest tip on asking for help is to ask when you are in a calm state, not when you are peak stressed, not last
minute. I mean, obviously there's going to be times where you are going to be asking for last minute help, but it's like being able to assess something ahead of time and being like, "Hey, I'm going to need some help with this. I know a friend. I'm going to reach out. And you'll be surprised how many people actually say yes, especially when they have like a couple of days in advance, even like 24 hours. Don't be afraid to ask for help and don't be stingy when people ask you for help. It's like the cycle of help. My last tip is to really enjoy a night in. You have never regretted staying in. However, you've regretted many nights out. It's never the other way around. Never do I wake up
after 9 hours of sleep being like, "God, I regret being refreshed in the morning." Drinks and partying come naturally when you're celebrating something. The nights out are still going to be just as fun, but you have to consider the recovery time. I know after you complete something there is some sort of craving or urge to want to go out to give yourself a pat on the back but exploring other options than going out is going to be healthy. Some examples doing an everything shower curling in bed with a good book also really fun. A nice wholesome game night with a friend that you feel really safe around. These days, I am way more selective about when I decide to go out. And there's a couple of factors. One, I have to make sure that we are partying
with a purpose. Is it someone's birthday? Are we celebrating something or are we just going out for the sake of going out? Number two, I want to make sure that I have nothing pressing the next day, even the following day. I want to give myself a nice cushion between that night out. And third, it's got to be with the right crew. All those three factors need to be there in order for me to say yes on going out. So, I guess that concludes the end of this video. I'm going to go to sleep. Good night.
