Overcoming Perfectionism: The Fastest Path to Self-Acceptance

What if what you've been trying to fix isn't actually broken? And what if believing that it is what's been keeping you stuck? You're listening to Relish, the podcast for people ready to stop chasing self-improvement and start savoring their lives. If you're tired of the hamster wheel of healing and hungry for more joy, presence, and meaning, you're in the right place. Hey friends, it's Alysia. Welcome back to Relish. This podcast is about stepping off the hamster wheel of self-improvement and coming home to yourself and to something truer, presence, wholeness, joy. And today I want to offer a very simple but radical

perspective shift in this quick bite episode. And before we dive in, I do want to ask if you enjoy what you hear on this podcast, please follow, subscribe, download. If it resonates, leave a fivest star rating and a short review. That really helps us grow. So, this is going to be a short quick bite, but it gets right to the root of something that drives so much of our suffering. The belief that there is something wrong with you, that you are broken, flawed, not enough, and that you need to be fixed. This is what drives for many of us the feeling that we need to be perfect. So, what is the fastest way to become perfect?

Are you ready for the shift? It is to stop believing you're broken and to see you already are perfect. I know that might not be the answer some of you or part of you was hoping for, especially the part that's been taught to believe perfection is something you have to earn. and how you earn worthiness. And yes, I know that suggestion that you are already perfect might feel uncomfortable or even triggering for some of you. It's okay if it is. This might even be more important to explore. So, first let's be honest, there's no such thing as perfect. Perfect is a concept. It is a construction. It is a moving target. Who can define perfect? No one can objectively determine it. And yet so many of us live our lives as if

perfection is real. And then we judge ourselves as if we are constantly failing to reach it. When people reflect on the sentiment of being perfect or not being perfect, what they are usually pointing to is not a fact. It is a feeling. A feeling of being flawed. A feeling of being behind, of being not enough. It is a feeling that something is fundamentally wrong with me, with who I am. And that feeling is shame, of course, which we unpacked in depth in the shame series recently. If you did not get to listen yet, shame doesn't say, "I made a mistake." That's guilt. Shame says I am a mistake. I am the problem. So here's the key reframe.

The problem is not that you are not perfect. The problem is believing that you're not. and believing that there is some imagined version of perfect that you are supposed to earn your way into through productivity, healing, success, self-improvement, being better someday. That belief is what keeps you on the hamster wheel. Because if you believe you're broken, then every part of your life becomes a fixing project. So for example, if you make a mistake at work and instead of thinking like oh I messed up, the thought becomes what's wrong with me? Wrong is a binary that implies there is a right or maybe let's say you're feeling anxious or emotional about something and instead of meeting the

feeling with curiosity of like okay what is this about and what do I need you think it shouldn't be like this I need to fix myself I have to become more perfect in all these areas of my life until I am a perfected spiritual enlightened being it's almost like I have to transcend being human. Discomfort becomes a problem. Every emotion becomes a problem. Any mistake becomes evidence of this distorted untrue belief. And no amount of self-work will ever feel like enough because you are working from the wrong premise, the wrong paradigm, from something completely even undefined. If you want to go to the root, you have to get underneath the behaviors and the habits and the patterns and look at the

belief fueling them. The belief that you're broken. And the truth I want to offer clearly and simply for you to reflect on is that you are not broken. The belief that you are broken, it's not usually something conscious. It's living in the background and shaping how you relate to yourself and your emotions and your relationships and your growth subconsciously. And then once you start to see it, something important can shift. Awareness is an important first step because then once you can see it, you can question it and challenge the belief of being broken and then start to separate from it and see it as a lie.

see other potential truths. You begin to touch into a deeper truth. You are never broken. You are never meant to be fixed. You are always whole. Wholeness doesn't mean free of flaws. It doesn't mean you don't grow or change or learn. It means you are whole with all of your parts. The messy ones, the tender ones, the ones still learning. I talked about this in part three of the shame series. There's that Japanese art form called kinugi where broken pottery is repaired with gold. And the cracks of that piece

are not hidden. They are what make the piece beautiful. So that's the point here. Wholeness doesn't mean never having cracked. Cracks are important. They show what you've lived through. Wholeness means nothing about your cracks disqualifies you from being whole. It's seeing that beautiful repaired pottery with the golden cracks is whole and perfect as it is. I wouldn't change a thing. In fact, I like it more. Wholeness is perfection. Not as an achievement, but a state of being. So, a reflection I invite you to sit with. What would change in your life if you stopped relating to yourself as a

problem to be solved? What would soften if instead of asking what's wrong with me in those moments, what if you asked what is asking for care or understanding or compassion right now? And in those moments, what if you asked what is right with me? This is self love, self-acceptance. So when we finish here, you might take a moment to actually close your eyes and make space to ask those questions and notice what happens in your body. Not forcing an answer. Just see what happens. These are not questions you answer with your mind. They're ones you feel. When we stop striving for perfection, it doesn't mean we stop growing. It doesn't mean we don't take responsibility or learn or evolve. It means the work shifts from fixing. And

the work really becomes about learning to accept and love yourself as you are instead of trying to earn worthiness through becoming someone else. Not fixing or perfecting or proving, but remembering who you really are. If you enjoyed this reflection, I really think you'd love the conversation I had with Olympian Caroline Burkel a few weeks ago. It was all about what it means to be human and how all of us, even Olympic athletes, carry shame and feelings that we need to be more perfect or we're not enough. So, please check it out if you didn't get to listen. I really appreciate you helping us get that episode out to others. So, that's your quick bite for today. There is no objective perfect. Feeling imperfect is

based in shame, not truth. The hamster wheels fueled by that belief you're broken. But freedom begins when you stop believing that lie and remember you're whole. If this landed, I appreciate you following, subscribing, share it with someone, leave a fivestar rating, review. It really helps us grow. And if someone came to mind while listening, consider sharing it with them. Sometimes this reminder is exactly what someone needs. Okay, until next time, be present, be embodied, and relish your perfectly imperfect human life.