THANK YOU. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. HEY. COME ON. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. THAT'S NICE. THANK YOU. I APPRECIATE IT. HAVE A SEAT. RIGHT back at you. You take all that and uh like that and walk out with it. Um and ah um Oh boy, that makes me happy every single time that I hear Gladys announcing me and I'm just staying

That's Gladys' voice announcing me every day now and I love it. Thank you so much if you're watching, Gladys. Uh it Listen, here's what I have for you today. Uh good news. I have really good news. Athletic socks are two for one at Lady FOOT LOCKER. HELLO. [screaming] YEAH. AM I RIGHT? YEAH. THAT'S WHAT I WANT TO DO. I THAT'S WHAT I only want to give you good news. I come out here and I want to give you positive energy and I want to give you happiness and you turn

on the show, I'm going to just give you good news. If you're looking for bad news, you're watching the wrong program. You just change it, my friend. CHANGE IT. YEAH. WHO WANTS BAD NEWS? NOBODY WANTS YOU KNOW, everybody has that one friend or maybe a family member, I don't know. I'm not going to name names. Somebody that calls with bad news all the time, you know? It could be a friend or a

relative. I'm not saying who it is, but you know, they just call and they just dump stuff on you. Hey, did you hear about the starving puppies? But I don't WANT TO HEAR ABOUT THAT. Why would I want to know? Why do people I just blog it out to downer Debbie? But you know I don't know why people want to do that. What compels them to want to share bad news with us, you know? I have a friend, like I say, or a relative. I'm not saying who it is, but um recently called me and uh you know, and you know, I don't have to tell you how

much I love animals. I love animals so much. I love animals too much and uh I mean, I really do. Just and it hurts me when I hear anything about an animal that's hurt. And uh so my friend or relative, I'm not saying who it is, but um calls me and uh and it's in the morning before I'm coming to work. Did you hear about the bear who got hit by a car? Beautiful 500 Yeah, a bear dead, killed in the road. Just a terrible beautiful bear in the road dead. Well, you're busy. I'll talk to you later.

I don't want to hear about the bear in the road, you know? Here's what I think now. This is a new invention again. I don't I keep coming up with them. I think call waiting should have the person's phone number and the REASON THEY'RE CALLING. RIGHT? YEAH. I GOT A MILLION OF THEM. OH, IT'S AUNT RUTHIE. Don't pick it up. HER RASH IS BACK. SHE'S GOING TO TELL YOU. Sometimes people call and they'll say, "I have good news and bad news. Which do you want to hear first?" And I go, "Do I have to hear them both? Can I just choose the one good news?" You know, or

somebody tell If they have good news, for some reason they love to delay it. They love to build it up. Like, "I have good news." "Are you sitting down? Sit down. I want you to be comfortable. Do you have an armchair? Sit down. I want you to be very comfortable when you hear this. It's so good. You're not going to believe it. Oh my god, you're going to freak out. You're going to freak out so much. If you don't freak out, I'm going to freak out."

"All right, I'm going to freak out if you don't tell me already. What is it?" "Bon Jovi's going to be on American Idol." Oh. That is good news. I love good news. Here's some good news. Um we all get to hang out for an hour. THAT'S ONE THING THAT YEAH. AND THIS MORNING SOMEBODY GAVE ME these sunglasses. They're $300 Fendi sunglasses by Marchon. And I said, "Well, then I'm going to give a pair to everybody IN THE AUDIENCE."

HERE'S THE GOOD NEWS. COME ON DOWN. WOW. WOO. [screaming] WOW. I'M EXHAUSTED. WATCH this audience dance while I catch my breath. WOW. I LIKE THAT YOU'RE HAVING A GOOD TIME. WHAT'S YOUR NAME? DANIELLE. HI, DANIELLE. Are you supposed to be here cuz you're in trouble IF YOU'RE NOT?

WELL, SOME PEOPLE CALL in sick and then we put them on TV and they're like, "Oh my god." Actually, my students might be watching later. Oh, really? Oh, that's great. I would love to have a teacher like that parties and makes and I think THAT'S GOOD. WHERE DO YOU LIVE? IN SAN DIMAS. UH-HUH. And you teach what grade? Right now, I'm doing eighth grade science.

Oh, that's very cool. That's that's great. And they And your kids are what they You just said, "Here, fill out this. I'll be back in about AN HOUR." MORE OR LESS. YEAH, YEAH. All right, I'm glad you're here. I am. Thank you. for being here. You know who else is here today is Neil Patrick Harris. HE'S HERE. I LIKE HIM A LOT. I LIKE HIM. I LIKE HIM WHETHER HE HAS ONE or three names. He stars on How I Met Your Mother and he's really always going to be Dr.

Doogie Howser to me. Always. Also, uh hey, last time he was here, I think he juggled sharp objects and he's going to do a magic trick for us. He's a very multi-talented guy. And I don't know you're watching The Bachelor. If you're not, something's wrong with you. Uh Oh, it's it's wonderful. I don't I'm I have some things to say to him cuz I don't know who he's picking. But uh he's made some mistakes, but I whatever. Andy Baldwin is here, The Bachelor. Now, to clear it up, if you're not watching, he's not a Baldwin brother. Although he's easy on the eyes like a Baldwin brother. Um and if that was not enough for you, it should be, but also country

star Jack Ingram is here and he's GOING TO SING. HE'S ALSO NOT A BALDWIN BROTHER. He's going to perform uh his hit. It's called Lips of an Angel, which looks something like this. Uh That's today's show, but I want to remind you the This is the first time in history of daytime television where we're doing a show. This is crazy. On a Delta air airline airplane, uh a big thing in the sky. And uh it while we're flying from Los Angeles to New York City, our entire show is going to be on that plane and uh it's going to be like this much fun plus peanuts. Uh Thank you, American Express.

NOW, BEFORE THE SHOW, I ran a few errands this morning cuz there's really no off switch when you have your own uh show cuz just busy. We have to turn out five of these babies a week. So, I'm always on the lookout for ideas for the show. I was at the drugstore and I thought of a new segment called Look What I Found at the Drugstore. Didn't have time to do the music. We just came up with it. Um So, okay, you know, they sell things all kinds of things and they package things together, you know, like you have they have these sometimes you'll

get a little free something, right? So, here's some Schick Extreme 3. They're razors and in this these are really in the drugstore by the way. I didn't make this up. Razors but with them cuz they like to give you things with them you get these headphones for no reason. THERE'S NOTHING ATTACHED TO IT. NO, just earphones. There's no music, nothing. It's just You don't hear yourself screaming when you cut YOURSELF THAT WAY. WHY DON'T YOU PUT LIKE SHAVING CREAM WITH THE razors or a pair of pants for the day you don't shave or something like that, you know? It gave me a good idea though cuz right now you can get Ellen's DVD delicious with a crimp iron a hair

crimper. Also, if you want to purchase our Ellen mug for a short time only you get a HUBCAP WITH IT. ALL RIGHT. HERE'S A SOAP THAT I THOUGHT, WELL, this is nice. I like to try new products and this is seems very luxurious. It's leche de burra which sounds very fancy and then you turn it over and it's a

I'm sure you're thinking the same thing. Is it milk that comes from a donkey? Is it milk that they give to the donkeys? Either way, who doesn't want to step out of the house smelling like a donkey? Is that donkey milk? Then this is a product that I have seen before cuz I had the earlier one. This is a brand new one though the ear lift invisible earlobe support tape and a so and it says right there medical grade so you know it's good. But look at the ears the before that ear was a Yeah.

Just get a lighter earring, lady. Um I haven't seen like I said what they look like. This is a Ow. No one's seeing nobody's going to see that. It's too much trouble to open. All right, and then there's this and this is a weight loss patch from Slim Form and I've never seen that. You could lose weight the old fashioned way liposuction or you can put this patch on you stick it on to lose weight and look at the girl on the package. Look at her face.

OH MY GOD. I'M SO EMBARRASSED. I lost so much weight. MY CLOTHES DON'T FIT. I JUST HAVE A towel around me and I can't believe I lost weight. What kind of pose is that for a patch? All right, so this is a weight loss patch and Andy you were trying to lower your cholesterol so and I thought maybe this is something I could try on you. Do you mind? No. All right, let's put it on you and then we're going to check on you throughout the show. See if you actually lose weight or not.

Get part of that. me. You got it? All right. All right, good. So, we'll check on you. You want the trash? You have a trash can? All right, you're welcome. Thank you, Andy and let me know how that works out for you. If you feel You look thinner already. I don't know. Maybe you're supposed to put it on your mouth so you can't eat it or something. If you see anything unusual like these are things we just found in the drugstore. If you see anything like that, please send it to us. We're going to use it on the show and we will reimburse you up to $6 Canadian and a We have some of the best photos ever that we're going to show you right after this. Don't go away. ALL RIGHT.

PUT DOWN THE LAUNDRY. STOP VACUUMING. TELL THE kids to take a nap. It's time for everybody's favorite song and segment. It's time for best photos ever. [screaming] Ah. Michelle West from New Caney, Texas sent us this picture of her son B.J. And a Now, you know, here's the thing. It's ridiculous cuz we ask you to send unaltered photos and this is what we get. We get a fake doctored Photoshop

photo like we're supposed to believe the guy is, you know, walking on water. Obviously, he's being lifted out of the water. Let's see the original untouched photo. Yes. That's a That's what was happening. Try to pull one on us. Corey Greenawalt in Lancaster, New York sent us this picture of her dog Stella. Yeah. See? Obviously, some people don't like their dogs to get on the cushions on the couch. So, the dog found another way to sit on the sofa. That dog is in great shape.

Look at the six-pack on that dog. She's very competitive. There's a picture of her I saw from last year's Westminster dog show. Take a look at this. Yeah, on the beam. SHE A THAT'S IMPRESSIVE BUT YOU SHOULD SEE HER DISMOUNT. SHE GOT A three tens and a nine from the Russian judge. All right, Bill Burkholder in Gray, Pennsylvania sent us this picture of a truck he saw. Says new dress socks men's and ladies 50 cents a pair.

1,500 pairs on hand. Honk, I'll stop. And if you can look closely there's a phone number there. And so I thought I would call and ORDER SOME SOCKS. THIS COULD GO ONE OF TWO WAYS. Really well or not well. I WANT SOME SOCKS. HELLO. HI, I WAS calling to order some socks. What's your name? Uh Steve Lang. Hey, Steve Lang. This is Ellen DeGeneres calling. Yeah, I recognized your voice, Ellen. Good to hear from you. Well, thanks. It's good to talk to you. We got a picture somebody sent a picture of your truck and you know, I was looking for some socks and I thought, well, I could probably buy all of them.

Well, the only thing is the biggest problem is I've had them for 10 years in my shed. The biggest problem is they've they've collected a little bit of moisture and they need aired out. That's all right. We can we got people to air out things here. That's fine. Yeah. And how much they're 50 cents a pair you say? A quarter pair FOR YOU. OH, WOW. Thank you. Thank That's sweet. I appreciate it. Now, I'm definitely going to buy you out.

Now, are these Do you have any singles or they all pairs? They're all pairs. Yeah, I got a lot of singles. I had a lot of ladies trying to match them all up for me. When you get them in bulk like that they're they're not matched. Yeah. Yeah, well, you let somebody else do that kind of work, right? I mean cuz you know, sometimes I'm just looking for a left one cuz I've lost it behind the dryer or something like that. Yeah, I got a lot of lefties and a lot of righties. Oh, you do? All right. Yeah, but the thing is like I say they from being since I had them for 10 years they have a little bit of a teeny smell so you know what I do is I use I hang them up. I use I hang them up

and then I burn leaves underneath them and then they have like a little burning smell and then I sell them for like a fire sale. Listen, I'm I'm serious. We're going to figure out how many socks we can get from you and I appreciate you talking to me and we'll talk again, I hope. Yeah, really. I can't believe it. Yeah. All right. Well, Steve, thank you very much. Thank you. All right, bye-bye. If you have a great picture, SHARE IT WITH US. LOG ON TO OUR WEBSITE. NEIL PATRICK Harris joins us after this.

Don't go away. Please welcome back Neil Patrick Harris. If you need any socks uh-oh. What's that? Donkey's milk? Donkey's milk, yes. Nice. Thank you. It's lovely. Yeah. Uh so that was hilarious. So you're practicing on how to run down for uh Yes, there's a very special How I Met Your Mother where Barney uh finds out that um his birth father might be Bob Barker. Oh, that's great. So he goes on a

Yeah, look. Yeah, so I get to go actually went to on the show went to CBS and filmed it with Bob on his last thing and look at that. I know, I LOVE THAT SHOT. THAT'S A REALLY GOOD SHOT. Did you really land on the dollar? You They rigged it. They rigged it so you landed on the dollar. Yeah, it was that was disarming cuz I was really excited to think you like I you know, you get to spin the big wheel. Who gets to spin the big wheel? So I spun it and I was hoping I

was hoping it slowed down and it was just about to pass the dollar and then it just suddenly stopped. And then like the crew guy fell from behind, looked over and was like Yeah. Now you're you're as I am an American Idol fan. Love the American Idol. Yeah. How can you not? I don't know how people don't watch it. I DON'T KNOW HOW. WHAT do you think What are your thoughts?

Well, it's just interesting. It's a weird season because I feel like there's a clear winner and then the rest is kind of trimming the fat. Who's the clear winner in your eyes? I think Melinda Doolittle is clearly just amazing. I don't think I'm alone IN THAT. WELL, NO. I mean yes, you got the Jordin Sparks is coming up. It's like A HORSE RACE. BECAUSE MELINDA is great. I think Melinda's great. You got Waka Blake. You got Blake. I think I do think that I think Melinda is fantastic. I think there are a lot I think Lakisha's great, but I think Jordin is uh is Jordin's coming up, but

the weird thing about this season is that week after week every time Melinda sings, they all three judges are like We have nothing to say. It was the greatest performance in the history of performing. You're teaching a master class to all of the other contestants here. And every week really? Although last week he was nice and he was like, don't act surprised when I say this. I love Simon Cowell. He is the man. Yeah. He says it exactly right every time. Sometimes I So now what about Sanjaya? Wow. Well, okay. All right. This is what I would have to say about Sanjaya. I feel really kind of bad for him.

How dare you people? Now listen, he's a 17-year-old kid that just decided to like go be on you know, like get in line and be on American Idol and now tens of millions of people every week are watching him disapproving of him. The judges are saying mean things to him and then next week he has to learn another song and do the whole stupid thing again. I just think that the I don't know that he could appreciate at the time how much intense scrutiny would be on all of these people all the time and it must be really hard. I mean I was a kid actor and there was a little bit of scrutiny

on me, but certainly not like with the internets and the blogging and everyone has an opinion and voicing it. Look at that. AW, YOU'RE A KID. A little baby. All right, we have to take a break and we're going to talk about uh which is amazing your decision to come out which was a big decision. Remember that? Remember when you did that? WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK. WITH NEIL PATRICK HARRIS. SO IN NOVEMBER you decided to make a public announcement to say that you were going to come out and what made you do that?

Uh I don't know. There was a little bit of sort of media scrutiny heading my way. My life has been relatively open in my world. Mhm. Uh I've been dating the same guy for over 3 years and our families know and we go out together all the time, but I just feel like as an actor part of your occupation is retaining a bit of mystery so that you can be believable in many different types of roles. So I never felt it was an obligation for me to like hold pinkies down the red carpet Mhm. for me. And especially playing Barney, you know, he's like a crazy womanizer on the show. So I just didn't find it important, but other people did and I sort of sensed this sort of witch hunt

brewing. People were starting to ask for stories of other people that might have uh fooled around with me and the last thing you want to do is talk about your private life based on scandal. Mhm. You know, I'm not a very scandalous person and uh and so it just I didn't want to have to respond to some story whether it was lie or truth. Uh so I just made a statement and sort of squelched the fires and You jumped ahead of it. That's great. THAT'S REALLY SMART. AND NOTHING'S CHANGED, RIGHT? NO, NOTHING'S CHANGED. I mean that's And for me that's like the greatest that's the greatest ending to the story so far is that nothing really has

changed at all. Like we're I'm doing nothing different and people are behaving no differently towards me and it's the fact that it's been a non-issue. People heard and were like, eh. Yeah. Or people heard and were like, and? That attitude I think was great. Yeah. It wasn't so shocking and that's good. The normalcy of it I think is important for people to appreciate and in today's media there's lots of examples of that and it's good to just see people being themselves.

Right. I think honesty is very important. Also it just it you don't have to worry about somebody telling something that you're always you're constantly worried. You know, that's Yeah, there's an element that's an individual thing, you know. I think people should be open to any type of coupleship, but if someone doesn't want to talk about stuff or if someone has reasons that they don't want to, I don't think they need to be sort of criticized and chastised necessarily for that unless they're blatantly lying about things, but Yeah. I'm not such a fan of the pushing people to make decisions. I agree. It's all little baby steps, so

Yeah. I agree. It's working okay for me. Well, good. All right, so this better be a good magic trick cuz we're saving it a magic trick. We're saving it to the end of the show. We'll see trick. We'll show the huge card trick that Neil Patrick Harris is going to do for us at the end of the show. How I Met Your Mother airs Mondays at 8:00 on CBS. The Bachelor Andy Baldwin is going to come out here and I'm going to talk to him. Don't go away.

Please welcome the Bachelor Lieutenant Doctor Andy Baldwin. All right, thank you so much. I will accept this rose. Now okay, let's talk about this whole situation. I watch it every year. I watch The Bachelor. I'm a huge fan of the entire process. I find it fascinating that people are willing to share their lives like this. Why would you're you're a doctor, you're Lieutenant, you have a lot going on. You're a triathlete which means you have done something three times and uh Why do you have to do

how come you have to look for somebody like this? Why not? Uh you know, I believe in fate Ellen and when ABC called me last fall and said, we want you to be our next Bachelor, it couldn't have happened at a better time and you know, where do people find love? Do they go to the nightclub? Do they go to the grocery store? Uh do they go to the library? I thought that the prospect of them announcing me and having thousands of women apply and then weed them out to my selection. Uh-huh.

Sounds pretty good to me. Yeah. And uh You requested certain things with the women, right? There were certain things that I requested. One I mean I'm in the military, so I'm not an Italian prince. Mhm. I'm not a uh heir to a tire company. Mhm. Uh I'm just a you know, a guy who grew up in small town Pennsylvania, Navy doctor and Navy diver and I'm just looking for love. Mhm. And you found it, right?

it and I'm so glad I did it and one of my friends nominated me. His name's Shawn and Shawn, wherever you are, thank you so much. And you already you're finished with this whole process. So it gets down to two and did you have strong feelings about both of them? I did. You know, and Amanda and Aaron both wonderful women and that's what made it so hard. Now what do you think about the girl that you made the decision with one? You all of a sudden get down to two that you have strong feelings for. Do you think about the other girl that you let go? Go on, what did I do? Maybe I made a mistake.

I do and that's the toughest part, but in the end I needed to look into my heart and you know, really feel who I felt strongest for and who would be best for me in the future and that was the most emotional day of my life. I'm not going to lie to you. Anyway, it's it's fascinating. any of the women that I let go. You said you mentioned Amanda. but I thought I was shocked. Lindsey, Linda And you said Aaron. You told Aaron you liked her. When you were driving with you said, I like you a whole lot. I want to know that you like me and then you didn't pick her.

Like please. I took Aaron on that drive and they didn't show the you know, entire two hours of it, but uh you know what I she was very shy in front of the camera. So, I wanted to take her on a drive and you know it's really engage her in conversation and see you know she what she was doing here. I said, "Aaron, what's going on?" And? And she said, Well, I want to name our kids Walker and Texas Ranger. you know we're driving my smoke I said, "Thank you, babe. Jesus Christ my smoking hot wife." You were saying tall day good nights.

She was really getting into it that night. It was funny. All right. Well, that maybe And Aaron, I love you. Yeah. Yeah, we love you, Aaron. All right. Uh The Bachelor and Officer and a Gentleman airs Mondays at 9:30 on ABC. It's not too late to start watching and get into it. If you haven't watched it yet, uh it's I'm telling you it's fascinating, but I don't understand how you let some of them go. Uh Jack Ingram is going to sing for us after this. Don't go away.

I'm back. So, I gave Wait, hold on. We got to check on Andy because we gave Andy the patch for the weight loss. And let's see a picture of Andy before. Yep. All right. Where is he? He walked away for a second. Andy, how did that patch work? WHERE ARE YOU? OH, WOW. THAT'S THAT'S GREAT. YOU'VE LOST A LOT OF WEIGHT. WOW. THAT'S GREAT. WHERE DID ALL RIGHT. WHERE DID HE PUT THAT PATCH?

YEAH. All right. Let's let's see Neil's huge card trick. He's got a gigantic amazing spectacular card trick. Deck of cards. Right? Regular cards. Nothing that exciting about them. Can you see all this? Am I'm going to Yeah. Here we go. All right. Uh should I shuffle them? No, there's no time. Stick your finger in there and anywhere you want. Right there. Take the card. Look at it. Don't let me see it.

Show it to the audience and the camera. Uh wait. Don't Oh, I can't I don't want to see All right. Okay. So, they know what it is, right? Now, hang on to it. Don't let me see it. Okay. I want you to just concentrate. Okay. Concentrate on that very special thought. Watch. Yes, watch.

Huh? Prediction. This will be impressive. Right? Uh Watch How I Met Your Mother Mondays on CBS. No, wait. That's not what I meant to do. That's not right. That's ridiculous. Okay, hold on. This is out here. I don't want to start a fire. Ow. Sweet Pete. Okay, watch this. Dig this. This is some David Blaine action. Ready? Ow. I'm burning your couch. What are you doing? Ow.

WAS THAT YOUR CARD? WOW. HOW DID YOU DO IT? THAT'S IMPRESSIVE. THANK YOU. I'M GLAD IT WORKED. I want TO THANK MY GUESTS NEIL PATRICK HARRIS, JACK INGRAM, and The Bachelor Andy Baldwin. Tomorrow Avril Lavigne is going to be here. I'll see you then. Wow, that's amazing.