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These two right is my fiance. We actually have not seen each other before. I'm afraid because my circus of friend was saying, "Hey yo, this photo is photoshopped. Wait, he see your actual face." he will back off then how then that's when he told me looks doesn't matters to him. My fiance actually have the same background as me. His past record was also drugreated. Uh he released last year almost a year earlier than me. his godson. So coincidentally my so-cal god daughter they partners so they actually have a correspondence so through her I get to know him we start writing to each other as pen pal he's not allowed to visit me because of his past record you need to be clean of uh records 2 years at least we prioritize direct his clicks of ke to
actually do the visitation for the immates here but because Helen's fiance say it's not her next off and has recently been released from prison. He has not cleared the department period. Therefore, Hela does not receive visit from her fiance. It's through the months I got to know him and then I start to develop some feelings for him. Now the era right is very open. I think he take two three months. He only call me dearest that become la. Yeah. After one year plus correspond right I give him the status as my fiance say he was so happy because I finally accept him he actually brightened up my days here ever since I know him right there's some anticipation every day I receive letter
I choose to write in Chinese character can write more 8,000 words only love you L O and at the end of the letters right he will say love you but sometimes he's angry with me the love you will disappear and then I will say hey why your letter there's no love you so my last relationship right should be 8 n years ago my ex-husband we was together for 10 over years I discovered that my husband naturally have an affair. To me it's a very big betrayal and we divorced. Yeah. I actually have trust issue towards men. So it take me many years to accept one. Is it ma'am? Morning. Uh, I need to speak with you. Oh, okay. Can outside.
I want to put out a request to have a phone call with my fiance. The reason is recently, right, I received a email from him stating that my mom right dementia is getting like and worse. Okay. Uh who's taking care of your mother? Uh our mate taking care of my mom. Your mate. But then um they don't bring your mother come and visit you. No. So you just want to find out what's going on and her wellbeing in general. Okay. Ken, you write down his full name, his number, then put out a request. Then we subject to approval.
Phone calls are privileged. But for Helen's case, she does not receive regular visits because her mom is of old age, right? So then her only point of contact is her fiance. Joanna, stand by for visit. Sandy, you got me 736. Ma'am, which room? You stand by oursel first. I'm okay. I going to tell you visi for the last time before I go back. I got to go back in two days time. so he's still not here. I don't know. only she'll be alone or with my younger brother but my younger brother have haven't even been visiting me for the past 10 month my best friend didn't turn up for the visit I'm just worried because she have not been answering my letter and then
she didn't turn up so I worry that she's sick or what for now I won't be sure that anyone will be turning up to pick me up. Ma'am, ma'am, I want to request for phone call because uh I going to release uh for my uh to my brother because I don't know whether uh anybody going to fetch me after my release. It will be nice to have someone to fetch me. If not, I'll be lonely. I made a phone call request to my brother because I want to check whether is he able to fetch me during my release. Just the day I'm going to go back. Visit Casper. Phone call Casper.
What do you mean when you say Casper? Never pick up. Never turn up. What happened? When I would usually call them right like they will pick up they will like come visit me and then pick up my phone call and suddenly one day before I release they didn't turn out for busy didn't pick up a phone call. So I be worried I don't want to pour. It will be nice for them to turn up. Thank you ma'am. Okay. Most welcome. Okay ladies as you all aware right the workshop going to be closed for three weeks.
Yeah. But we all got some programs running. Okay. For next week onward, I'm not going to work because they are renovating the walls and ceilings. I'm so used to it like waking up in the mornings and then just doing my normal routines getting ready for work and then suddenly for that two three weeks of lockdowns it's like oh my god okay what am I going to do now? So that's a big impact on all of us. I don't like to be locked up inside the cell too long because I will start thinking of negative things. I'm scared that if we start to like lie down and think about home, we will start to miss home and they will get more sentimental, more emotional. Yeah.
Do you get any updates from your family? No. No updates from my dad, but I guess he's still disappointed in me, still upset with me. I can't ask much. So, he's already doing so much for me now. When I was incarcerated at back, uh I requested to ma'am to have a phone call with my dad, but when I called, he hung out on me. He wasn't ready to talk to me. Um even through letters. So, it's already been a whole year that I have no visits for my family. I guess this admission really broke his heart after all the burdens that I left him. So when I say burdens, he has to sacrifice his job not working and taking care of my kids and furthermore he's getting old. I miss my kids, you know.
Yeah, I can see that cuz I always catch you like looking at them. I know, right? For like missing out at his PSLA, his PC results. This place tell us apart. It's really making me hate myself for putting myself back inside here. I became a mother at 17. I wasn't really able to be a mother to them. I have three boys. I left the youngest at 6 months old. I can't wait to go out and be a mother to my kids again. Actually uh I just got to know that maybe my brother is coming for a visit. My friend told me inside a letter.
Oh my god. That's a good news, right? This is start. Yeah. So this is going to be the first time that a direct family is visiting me and I just hoping that they will bring the kids along cuz I miss them. OC proceed for your OCA. Chief Mita can grind dining hall to find tango. Can you all see for master first? So the corational unit attendants they actually work very closely with us to ensure the operation of the corational unit is being run. They issue out football. They ensure the laundry of the lockup inmates are being washed and also unlock the inmates for the various programs. So as a form of motivation and also a form of reward for their hard work, we allow them to dance their hearts away.
after that dance monkey. So every week I put together the song list for all of them. Okay. I don't like exercising but I have very enjoy. I don't know why I don't know how to turn anymore. The image all gone. Now it's 2 months to my release date. Zumba is one of the activities that I'll miss most when I leave here. I'm feeling worried, a little bit excited, nervous because I still never know what job am I going to. So when our release date is nearing, we'll often go to some pre-release programs that the prison arranged for us.
We'll cover a bit about the occupation, the job role and all that. this was developed my previous work experience are more on call center FnB but now I'm trying to look for something that is don't need to do so much service like admin I know I need to communicate with suppliers or but I don't think they be as difficult as customer at restaurant right yeah order chicken pizza me take out the come in last order I'm not after you release remember you need to have a timeline so you need to have a goal I will get a job that is related to the this yes but after that how long if you don't have a specific time then what's going to happen yes you may not do it right after this I think being here right you can see exactly where your goal is one to get a
job that I can stay in. But then once you go out, right, your goal just becomes blur. Yeah. Because too many distractions, too many things. So getting a job at this moment, right, is something to ground me to have better footing for me outside. This is the measurement. Let's say your tension is loose or what you adjust. Why you cut so short? This one have to be long. I was being given a chance to be IC. The job of IC right, I need to check the quality first and have to be on time. If they are not cooperating right, I actually face a big issue of uh meeting to Kota which is the deadline. You doing what?
I'm doing roses that Christine asked me to do. But I thought yesterday I tell you right you and Mary have do the Chinese. Yeah. But now she I see you. I see. So she asked me to do I do and then you ask me. So who must I listen? You should know right. I see right. I have the right to ask her right. But when we sit down and talk with men we have already discussed with her. She will be doing. No. You see right not everybody is following what is written. Listen, listen. Listen to me while I say also see here. Okay. But now I think you have to go.
I got something to talk to ma'am. Give me a ma'am actually can you tell Christine that I in charge of project and because I'm my position in project I see so even if she want to tell me different thing right don't talk in front of the limits I'm a bit upset towards Christine because she should know which is the priority I did explain to her but uh she's adamant that the girl need to do her project I got a bit emotional because I'm so worried I cannot meet The deadline the man said. Yeah. Attention. A BV and Crochet. Standby for unlocking. And then you stay inside the cell first. Huh? Why? Just stay inside the cell.
Just now ma'am stopped me from coming out. A bit question mark puzzle. A bit sad also. I think I presume it's because of the conflict with Christine. I start to get uh unsettled. I feel a bit of unjustice 752. 752 open. Okay. I was quite angry. Christine was like quite adamant. No. Yeah. She had to do the rose. Mhm. So I lay up. Have you actually talked to Christine to come into agreement? I didn't my oversight also. Christine, stand by. to sila cell 747 K open what do you think Helen have you feel when you actually raise a bit of your volume
I didn't think much of in that point because um normally I was just like say it out like that I think there was a bit of confusion there my intention was not to shout at her or to be rude at her both of you play a part in the misunderstanding what actually have happened has actually impacted to the rest of the ADB girls. It does not reflect very well. The two of you as I see send me the lead by examples Okay. So, uh we are here. I believe it's more of a misunderstanding. Helen, please forgive me if I've raised my voice and if it has affected you in any way. I'm sorry. Okay, I'll make sure I will not do it again.
My oversight, I should inform you. Then this thing will not occur and we shouldn't have pickering in front of other inmates there. Ask them you do something wrong, they will score you after school you already you will get a report. I couldn't care less because what is a report? Over the years I'm serving my sentence in and out. This is the first time I was like wow I was so shocked. The man was so nice. Hard approach. It's very difficult to not into our hearts.
I'm waiting for my mother to come and visit me. I have visits with my mother one month months. Mommy so my father passed away when I was in RTC. So it's naturally like yeah reborn. She's working as an office cleaner. quite worrying because alone at home 70 plus knees got problem like always leg pain someone nobody at home yeah that one I bit worried for no one know what I do want to take care of my mother when I'm out for Y RN SG Zoom interview samp to be unlocked. Nervous. So long never interview already. Someone so long is at prison. Securing a job means at least I will not be idling at home and then maybe it will lessen the risk of me wanting to find friends or drugs.
Okay. Hi you come. Okay. So for this particular employer that we managed to reach out and secure an interview for you the role is called customer service officer. When was the last time you went for interview? Three years ago. Okay. Three years ago. How do you think your interview skills fare right now? Have you had any practice with your cellmates? No. Okay. I'm just going to just go in and win. Okay. Hi. Good morning. Uh no. Okay. My name is Using. Uh why don't you tell us about yourself and your work experience?
Okay. My most recent experience is at hotel doing call center. Why did you leave this job? Oh, uh because I was caught and then yeah came prison. Yeah. Let's proceed to your previous role. So you spend some time there three years. Uh maybe describe what's a typical day like in that job. I was a door hostess. So I actually allocate seats for the customers but I do help in waitressing uh reservations events.
Uh why did you leave that job? I was also uh I came into prison. Uh okay. You were caught twice. Four. Four times. Okay. And then all was for the same reason. Yes. All drug. So what is there to assure us that you won't get what's your plan now? Yeah, you know keep away. This is not my first relapse also. So I cannot be telling y'all that no uh this time I will definitely not take it. But I think it's about me still wanting to try not to actually fall back to this cycle again. That's all that uh we have for today. Okay. and we will get back to Rahana if you are selected for the position.
Sure. Thank you so much. What I want in my life now is drug-free lifestyle and positivility. I would want to secure a job. Attention AB and Coch stand by for seating. in this prison here. It's very hard to completely stay away from any problems. I always have to work and live with a lot of people here getting along with them like you have to adapt to their attitudes and then their speech and then their behaviors. So when we move away it becomes that you are labeled as antisocial. So that's where
um they will talk. So I try my best to stay out from all these troubles. Thank you man. Thank you. One of the reason is that I want to stay clean record is that I have a review coming up in another six years time and this review will determine whether I will get released from this prison. cell wash. No, thank you. No. Okay. Ama, why you don't want cell wash? Why you want to sell wash? Cuz the cell is so dirty. Every day, Monday to Friday also, I wash and wipe. I don't see any purpose taking in the Clorox and then wipe again.
We could just take in the Clorox then I can clean. You don't have to clean or But I can't help out that much, you know, because my legs are not that strong. It's okay. I'll do it then. You don't have to. Even if you do it, I need to come in and help in, right? I cannot let you sell wash alone. The daily cell wash day, we use our normal soap in the cell. On Sundays, we use a more stronger soap which can be Clorox or bleach.
Ready for cell wash? Normal cell wash, we only do it at the place we eat and then uh we wipe. But this Clorox will be we have to pour it on the whole floor here which will be very slippery and I can't walk on the slippery ground because I have numbness on my leg. So I try to avoid cell wash on Sundays in prison. A small disagreement like this can potentially lead us to bigger disagreements which I wanted to avoid my cellmate ignored me for about few days so she didn't want to respond to whatever I talked to. Uh, she was putting a grumpy face. Nine. Yeah. Okay. My last dinner with you guys, you know. Yeah.
Let sauce. Ketchup sauce. Trying wann to be that have no taste at all. That's me like I feel like m sad to leave. Cannot be sad must be happy going back. Yeah but the excitement is not there. I just don't know how am I going to survive outside. I don't know what am I going to do with me having no job no financial support or so it's like everything is still question mark. Oh my god, it's so cute. Me like, you know me. Remember this. Your strength is greater than your struggle. This is sincerely for us to you.
Farewell to you. Take care of yourself. When life gives you a 100 reason to cry, show life that you have thousand reason to smile. Be strong. There's a lot of obstacle and challenges outside. Whoever it is, treat it as a stepping stone to success. You can do it. Yeah. Make sure you don't come back here again. We don't want you to come back here. Okay. Promise us please and you don't need to come here. my relationship with my family is quite close and they are very important to me because they always give me positive thoughts always guide me to the right path. The weekend open 736. Bye. Bye Kiki. Bye.
Ready. Yes ma'am. Bye. Take care. See you. Now I have to figure out myself now. It scared me because it's like there will be no man going to help me. My mom is in here. What must I do? Today is the freedom day for my daughter. I'm very happy for her. Very happy. Don't deny the fact that I'm very worried, you know, but still I keep on telling myself that she can do it. Dear Joanna, sorry now seems to be the hardest word. Ibu have done many mistake in my life and I know there are countless things that I cannot make amend.
I promise to make it up to you when I return home. You are my gem. Always be my one and only precious princess. Okay. Forgive me one last time. My most greatest fear for Joanna is she might relapse. Every time I think about it, Helena your phone call has been approved. You will stand by then I unlock you. We go and make phone call to your fiance. Okay. Thank you so much. All phone calls will only last for 15 minutes and it will be put on speaker mode. Uh this is to actually allow us to properly monitor and facilitate the phone call so that we would know what we can do further to actually support them
in their rehab journey. Okay. So, we will now call him. The timer will start when I hand the phone over to you. Okay. Hello. Hello. Good afternoon. Is this Mr. Lee? Yes, I'm calling from Singapore Prison Service. I'm Helen's PS. Helen actually had a phone call request with you and it was approved. Um, please take note that you are on speaker mode. Okay. Yeah. Can you have 15 minutes from now? So, the timer starts now. Hello. I ask you about my mom. Your mom is Yeah. I was so worried for one month plus. You know what?
Yeah. I don't know what to tell you. I ran to you that something is not good. So I keep on thinking after I let you know. You still got eight months more to wait for me. Are you willing to wait? Yeah, sure. Waiting. I wait so long. Reading your Bible every day. Yeah. I tell you a good news. Yesterday I start to read by uh daily bread. Yeah. So you don't say I stubborn already. I start reading already.
Usually people will not this out of relationship with Bati drugs addict but he say he can be a reform addict. So he want me to follow his footstep. It's a bit pressure for me. But if let's say his way is the only way to get out from this vicious circus of relapsing and again I believe I will try it once I go back then I'll look for a job I think I need to upgrade some computer courses. Yeah that's good now. Okay now I tell you advance happy birthday. Thank you so much. May all your dreams come true. Thank you.
Every month we will get a haircut to make ourel presentable, tidy. You are not allowed to have special haircut like undercut or one side long, one side short. Yeah, you're not allowed. Yeah, you see my leg cannot reach the floor. I intend to delete all my contacts. I want to find a normal job and come back a free time. Then I concentrate on my crochet. I'm ready for the outside world because I have my tray waiting for me. Can I talk to you? Okay. I've come up with this plan that we take alternate weeks to do the cell wash. One Sunday we take, then the other Sunday we don't take. How is it okay with you?
I think it's okay. It sounds good. But not to worry. I also will help you all. So, finally, you can play with your Cloroxh. You like to wash, right? In this prison here, there's a lot of us here and we have different ideas and opinions. Tiring. Yeah. Because um it's not one day issue. So not with one person a lot of people here. Once we get used to it ready then the shuffle comes in then we will get new uh new people in and we have also have to relearn how to live in harmony with them.
It has been about 14 years already which was not easy but over the years I know who I am and I know what I do. So I slowly built myself up not to be affected by all these things. Today's a big day for me. It's going to be my first face to face visit with my direct family in this castation. When my friend wrote to me and telling me that my brother will be coming this face to face, I was so happy and I cried the whole day. I am so blessed that he at least made time to come and visit me. But I do not know if he's bringing my kids along or not. To chief harina can open up 455 for face to face visit. Inmate for face to face.
Standby to be unlocked. I am super nervous, super scared, worried, anxious. When I was walking through that path, all my thoughts was that why did I put myself into this kind of situation again? I hated myself for doing all this stuff. All the mistakes that I have done. Last time that I saw my family was a year back when I came in. My newborn was only 6 months old. So, I really do not know how he looks right now. I was speechless because I didn't expect my dad to come along. Ever since I was incarcerated, my dad is he was so disappointed in me. He doesn't even want to even bring my kids to come visit and it was a surprise moment for me.
Seeing him so grown up now inside my hair, I was like so sad. I didn't see him grow up in front of my eyes. I have missed all of his first moments, his first words, his first steps. And as a mom, I feel so useless. He didn't even recognize me as a mother. It was a very heartbreaking moment for me. But when I saw him so big and so healthy, I was so happy. Check it. Why you so thin now? You never eat. Why? Say you're so different. You big boy already. Good. This right, right? Yeah. See, just say talk. This is your mother. Relax. It's okay to cry. There's no wrong. There's no wrong in it.
It's emotions. Okay. You It's better you feel than you feel nothing. Okay. It's okay to show mommy that you are sad. You are. He's my first boy and uh he's the eldest. We are very close, very close. He can never like be separated from me for one minute. I think he cried because I'm back inside here and this was the first ever time that he ever saw me through that glass. I guess he just misses me. It breaks my heart seeing up her. Okay. I love you. Okay, Sam.
I love you. Okay. Love me. You still love me? Do you hate me? I love you. I was afraid. I was really weird because he was like contemplating I want to answer me or not. He was like giving me like the uh like the question mark face. Does he hate me? Because he's not answering me. Okay. We start a new beginning together. This face to face visit is the first time that we come as a family together. Ever since my mom's passing, it made me realize that I should be there for my kids. So, I do not want my kids to go through without a mother's love anymore longer.
I failed to keep to my promises. I failed to stay out from drugs. Once I'm out again, I hope I can mend things back with my kids. I need to go back to square one and rebuild back that trust slowly, step by step.
