Warning, the following program contains scenes of graphic stupidity among lifelong friends who compete to embarrass each other. Let's just get this started. Are you kidding me? With special guest Paula Abdul. This is really screwed up. AND ACTION. YOU CAN PROBABLY TELL BY OUR HATS THAT today we're playing directors directing our new film. Now, our producers are going to go recruit a random passerby off the street to be the extra in the film. The catch is the scene we're directing is going to get progressively more bizarre for this actor. The goal is to get the person to play out the scene,

no matter how bizarre it gets. And if they refuse, go back to DIRECTING STUDENT FILMS, YOU HACK. Tail slate. All right, guys. Okay, Q. This young man, his name is Abel. You may notice Abel's eyebrows are high. We didn't know that we're going to be that way. Our script supervisor, Tina, did his makeup and thought that he should look angry. Guys, uh, we have Ael here. Come on in. Let me seat you down over here. This is a classic mob movie Italian dinner scene. Alex and Joe are our mobsters. Okay, this is Joey Eyebrows. He's being rude at dinner. His line goes, "I'm the law." And then you say, "Excuse me, sir,

but could you keep it down? I'm trying to enjoy my Italian meal." Okay. Q. Ask Abel where he got cast from. Able, where'd you get cast from? Where'd they find you? Um, was just walking home. Unbelievable. Let's go for a take. This is great, guys. Q. Also, I'm going to say Italian meal. And just one thing, could you say Italian? Okay. Great. Thank you. Perfect. And action. I run this town. You pollute me, Joey Ibra. I decide who lives and who dies.

Capich? I'm the law. Excuse me, sir, but uh could you keep it down? I'm trying to enjoy my Italian meal. Cut. Great. Wow. Great. I mean, how you guys feeling about that? How you feel about that? Good. All right, Q. Check playback. Rolling playback. All right, we're going to send in some more script pages. Okay. and Q. By the way, uh there's the cup of fake teeth. It's for Ael. Let's see if this guy will put fake teeth in his mouth. Ael, I'd like to give you a little bit more to do. Sure. You're killing it. Alex Zucchini, you get up and you go over there and then he slaps you.

Okay. And these are uh new these are new teeth. If you could throw them in your mouth and when he slaps you, just spit the teeth out. Okay. Cute. And another thing is Alex, you have diarrhea. We Okay. Here's the thing though. Alex, zucchini is a little uncomfortable. You got to play a little bit like you have a little bit of like diarrhea going on. Okay. Yeah. Action. Me. Joey Eyebrows decides who lives and who dies. Capich? Excuse me, sir, but could you keep it down? I'm trying to enjoy my Italian pizza.

This guy kidding me? Go slap this Brazil. Diarrhea. The teeth in his mouth. He's got the teeth in his mouth. SHUT UP AT YOUR MOUTH, you cannoli. Cut. Great job, guys. There's one more thing we want to see him do. We want to see him uh strangle the boss. So, um, we got an idea. You sneak up behind Joey Eyebrow and say, "Suck my gab of gold. I'm the Italian mobster boss now." And then you strangle him. We feel good. Everybody feel good? To remind Joe that he also has diarrhea.

Okay. And uh, and Joey eyebrows, you know, your mother's food kind of gave you a little diarrhea. Okay. And action. Uhoh. Here comes Abel the assassin. Suck my gabagola. I'm the Italian mobster boss now. My diarrhea. Have him dab. Yeah. And then dab. Okay, great. Now, do you know how to dab? Dab? Yeah. Let it go and then just start walking off screen like this. Okay. Action. SALOO. Keep dabbing. Multiple dabs. Yeah. Multiple dabs. AND CUT. YES.

YEAH. YES. YOU GOT SOME GOOD STUFF IN THERE. All right. Myrr. Send him in. All right. Here's your actor for the day, Mr. Joseph. I'm Dan. How you doing? This is our director, James. Hey, Joe. How are you, man? So, Joe, they have just completed surgery on you. You're like a burn victim. Okay, so you're going to be under the sheet. Come on in, buddy. In the scene today is uh Dan Green, Janna, and Joe in Birch.

You're pretty calm, man. I would think a movie director would be a little bit more like Murray. Yeah. One second. All right, Mr. Wrap his entire head in bandages. And you're going to tell him to peel off the bandages and GO MY FACE. MY FACE and then spit at the mirror. Okay, try. Okay, it's it's not reading like he's a burn victim. So, I'm going to wrap your face with gauze. Okay. And then I want you to sit up. I want you to slowly unwrap the bandages. Call for a mirror. And then four or five times, my face, MY FACE, MY FACE. SPIT ON THE MIRROR. And then you I want to see a flurry of activity. Okay. Look, he's looking around like what did I get myself into?

I won't cover. I won't cover you. Dan Cass, go up to Mar and go, "Sir, sir." And then Mer just snap at him. Uh, sir, not now, Dan. Okay. Okay, that's pretty believable. Okay. You can lay back down. Okay. Roll camera. Say I don't say action, I say boom. You don't know this, Joe, but I don't say action, I say boom. Ready, set, 15 hours in surgery. We did all we could. You did your best. It's in God's hands now and his will be done.

Can you hand me a mirror? Also, by the way, he's not burned. His face is flawless. My face. What did you do? I tried. His face is beef. And boom. Very good. Roll play back. By the It was a great scene, buddy. I think it just needs a little bit more intensity, pal. Tell him to really be like horrified about his face. I want to do it one more time. That was excellent. I need 10 times more intensity. Dan, go to interrupt him. So, I want you to like really get Yeah. Yell it out like not now, Dan.

Okay. I want you to really yell it out like what have you done? What have you Dan kiss approach Murray again one more time. I think it might D. Just step away. Ready and boom. We did the best we could. My face. What have you done to my face? Where's my wife? What did YOU DO? I'M SORRY. I DID MY BEST. And blame the doctor for what he's done. Blame the doctor. THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT.

NO, IT'S NOT MY FAULT. Keep going. I didn't call boom yet. Boom. Murray. Boom. Okay, great. Excellent. Okay, S, uh, welcome to your scene, buddy. This is a classic interrogation scene, and we're grilling a suspect, a perp if you will. It's our producer, Alyssa Carlay is there, and Simei Canandra Bits. Here comes your actor. What's your name for Valerie? Yeah, there's your Mexican gang member. This poor woman, a visitor to our fair city, just walking down the street and now suddenly she's playing a gang member in Sal scene.

It's an experience for me, right? I have no deny sons of Oh. Oh, you just picked up on the accent. All right, guys. Let's settle in. So, Valerie, in this scene, they're basically interrogating you. And, uh, one more thing, S. Oh, yeah. Door-agg. That's on the table. Uh, yeah, we would like it on her for this scene. Yeah. So, please, Valerie, you look so nice. I need you to look more tough. Can I put this on your head? Is that okay? Okay, I'll put it on you right now. Oh my god. She's going to do it. She's going to do everything. Okay, just like that. Does that feel okay? Okay. Look at me.

Okay. So, the first line here, Valerie, is Hey, essay. You think you loco? You're no loco. I'm loco. You've been tailing her for 6 months and you've had enough. There's also sexual tension between you two cops. And there's also I think let's do a thing. Let's do a thing where there's unspoken sexual tension between you guys. All right. Roll the sexual tension. Don't forget guys, sexual tension. You could cut it with a knife. Okay. Action. This VTO doesn't want to speak up. Hey.

Hey. See, you'll think you're loco. You're not loco. I'm loco. Smells like to me. Cut. Okay, the next line is can't stand his own bit because she says I smells like You say the only thing I smell is bacon, mother. And then you say, "Oink, oink, oink, oink, oink." Okay. Oh, she said, "I'll try it." She's gonna do it. Let's take it from the top. Where's that sexual tension? All right, you guys take a look at each other in the eyes real quick for me.

Just hold it. Look in the eyes and hold it. I just want to build that tension. OKAY, ACTION. This vat doesn't want to speak up. Hey, hey, see, do you think you're loco? You're not loco. I'm loco. Smells like to me. The only thing I'll smell is Beck, mother. Cut. Excellent. So, one thing I just one thing. Let me check the footage. I'm dying. I'm going to throw up. We sent another script just with a little bit more lines for her. Okay.

Oh my god, guys. That was perfect. If we could do that again, I'll be happy. All right. Okay. The next line after he says, "That's enough." And slams his hand down. Would you be willing to say, "Uh, your mother is enough." You mother. Here we go. Oh my god. She's practicing her line. She's the most professional one there. Here we go. Action. THAT'S ENOUGH. SANTIAGO, your mother is enough. Your You Your sucker. NO. PERFECT. GUYS, come on. WOW.

WELL DONE. THAT WAS SO GOOD. She did it. Wow. S Mr. and Q directed a win, keeping them safe from the loser board. Today, we're getting thrown out of this door because of something embarrassing we did inside. But shucks, we left our wallet in there. The catch is we have to get a passer by to come back in here and retrieve that wallet despite the ridiculous thing that we got tossed out for. If you can't get a stranger to go back inside for you, you lose. LET'S GO, GUYS. MURRAY, YOU WORM. I don't like how serious Dan looks right now. I'm getting nervous. Oh, this is going to be great. Get ready, Dan. Kiss. How about this person?

Oh jeez. Ready? Let's do it. Come on. THE COME ON. ARE YOU KIDDING? I'M TELLING YOU AGAIN. SHE'S done the drugs. You saw that, right? Can you help me out FOR ONE SECOND? LET'S RESET. LET'S GO AGAIN. That couple. I'll tell you when. GO. GET OUT OF HERE. YOU COME ON. Dan manhandling him will never get old. I'm fine. I land. What? This guy threw me out, man. He threw me out for a BS reason, too. Was it not my fault that has a hot wife? It's not my fault the guy has a hot wife.

The guy's like, "Well, I get it now." I hit on his wife and then he threw me out of the place. The worst part is my wallet's still inside. Can you do me a solid, man? Can you go grab my wallet for me, please? He if I go in there, he's going to throw me out again. That's okay. It's in there on the left. Just see it. Just don't don't hit on his wife is the important thing. She's like slamming hot. This is good tonight. Yes. Which is great cuz me and Dan kind of do something very similar to this on weekends anyway. So this is pretty good.

Ready, guys? On your mark, get set, GO. COME ON, MAN. COME ON, DUDE. THAT'S NOT GET OUT OF HERE. TURN AROUND. COME ON, MAN. THAT WAS ALL for nothing. Q. GO. HEY. STAY DOWN. A red hoodie. Cute. Someone else wants to take a turn throwing you out THE DOOR. HEY. DON'T YOU EVER TOUCH A BLACK WOMAN'S HAIR. You are okay. I touched a black woman's hair. My wallet's inside. Would you grab my wallet for me? Um, do you think Just don't touch that black woman's hair. It'll be fine.

Yeah, it's right in there. There's a wallet right in there. It's right on the table there. I think I'm going to get my You'll be fine. Just don't touch that black woman's hair. What a good Samaritan helping him out. Oh, I should have known. All right. I can't get my clothes. Sure. Okay. That's a concern of mine. What about this dropping man? Go ahead. Right now. Yeah. Right now. I'm ready. Okay. Come on, man. SERIOUSLY. IT'S NOT GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE.

HEY, you're awfully close to that gutter water. No. Is it? Is it though? Yeah, you're basically in the gutter. S. My wallet's in there. They kicked me out. Here's what happened. A man can't make love to his own wife in the handicap stall anymore. You got to go in there and get my wallet. Right. It's right in the table in there. You can grab it for me. They won't let me in.

Here's your wallet. Oh my god. So S can't win. Point is that I've been doing it all day. That's really wrong. I'm so sorry. I appreciate it. STAY. You lost. S was tossed to the curb, making him tonight's big loser. YES, IT IS TIME FOR S'S PUNISHMENT. TO HELP US OUT TONIGHT IS OUR DEAR FRIEND, legendary pop star, and Sal's childhood crush, Paula Abdul. All right, listen, S. I'm hosting an exclusive meet and greet with some of my amazing fans. And I thought it'd be fun if you joined us.

Okay, that sounds like fun. So, what's the bad part? Like, you know the drill. You just got to shut up and do what you're told. Hi, guys. Oh my gosh. Hi. What a treat tonight is, huh? Four lucky fans have been invited along with S to join Paula Abdul tonight. And S's about to ruin their dinner. Hi everybody. Hi. Pleasure to meet you guys. I haven't been out in so long and I'm so excited. S, you know Paula is very funny. Just overly laugh at everything she says.

Did so many tours. George Michael. How was that? I'd be freaking out beforehand and I'd be slapping my face going, "Oh my god, I don't know WHAT I'M DOING. I FELT THAT. YEAH, s I think it would be really funny if you shoved your mouth with food and then had a laughing fit with food falling out of your mouth. Are you planning to ever like record again? I'm just your music. That's what I need to say. Should be retired. TAKE IT EASY.

NO. Oh god, you almost choked me. That was so disgusting. Just trying to get that visual out of my head. All right, S. Time to take this to the next level. This girl to your right. The next thing she says, shush her. You know what I suggest? If any of you guys can see the Michael Broadway show, Michael Jackson, I had tickets to it preandemic. Incredible. Oh my god. Definitely see the musical. Paula, how much did you get paid on American Idol? Oh, that's a rough one.

How about Can we talk a little bit about American Idol? What would you like to hear? Um, how much did you make on it? Oh my god. I can't ask that kind of question. That's personal. So, I think you should ask another question maybe. the questions live. Paula, when I was a kid, I learned the worst is straight up backwards. You want to hear it? I'm I've been obsessed with your lyrics. When I was little, I would memorize the lyrics backwards and sing them even. Oh, come on. Yeah. Really? Me love you. Do me love you. Do now. Come. Oh, S. They are not impressed at all, bud. Cheers.

Cheers. Slam that martini, BUDDY. NO. ANY OTHER QUESTIONS? S in the bag under your chair there. We planted a camera. Take a couple photos. Oh. Um, talk. I wanted to talk to you that I'm going to be performing at the Macy's Thanksgiving Day. Great. Yes, I've heard about that. You just kind of like without asking you Oh, I thought I said can I take a photo what people do that's I'm sorry I didn't mean to do you can get someone to take it oh that'd be awesome.

We'll do it in a few minutes when we're leaving. Oh I got a question. I have a question. Sure you do. When you came up with the idea of MC Scat Cat. One of my favorite songs is Opposites Attract. When you came up with MC Scat Cat, did you know that scat means poop? Scat means poop. Yeah, Google it. I didn't know that. I thought scat means go away. No, I swear to God. When I was little, I was like MC poop cat. I can't.

This guy is losing it. All right, S. Prove it to him on your phone. I'll show you. I can show you guys. No, no, no. I don't want that. Scat as of I was scat. OH, YOU DON'T HAVE TO PROVE IT. HONESTLY, please don't pull it up. I don't want to see. Okay, that was right. See, you don't have to confirm that. Like, really? Come on, dude. You just killed the vibe. And Amanda was making her flame. Who's Amanda, S? Who's Amanda? Oh, right here. Oh, I thought you really You said your name. I'm Amanda and you're comparing.

You're You're Here we go. Keep pushing herself. What are you trying to say? You're going to get me heated. You just got to This is just trying to laugh. Basically, guys, you know what? It's not even worth it. You want to break S? Break him. BREAK HIM, BABY. BREAK HIM. CAN we sing Colon as the uh producer there? Therapeutic. Excuse me. I'm I'm so sorry. Is one of you S? That's me. That's you. Yeah. I just got a call. Uh, your COVID test came back positive. Oh my god. No, that's impossible. I tested twice today myself. They just let me know and it's urgent. Like, you're positive.

Definitely impossible. I swear to God, I would never do that. Okay, now S, don't leave the table. It's not. I'll go get another. Are you for real? I'll just be quiet till the test comes. I'll do it. Can you leave? like um but then I'm not going to be part of it anymore. Right. But it's for the safety of others. But the thing is you're affecting all of our well-beings. Cole, just go in right now and be like, "What the hell are you doing? We told you have CO."

Hey. Yeah. Sorry. So, we just uh triple checked. You're for sure positive. Oh god. Oh, S. Bag up all the food and get out of there. This is not good. Sorry. Can you just pass the empanadas and I'll go? No. Oh my god. You're taking the just go. Come on. This is really screwed up. You want to get Patterson on you and JUST do it straight up backwards. Straight up backward. Love me. Now on COME HERE. S take a picture through the glass.

I feel bad because you sat next to him. Stop taking pictures of me.