What's up, dudes? It's Pat, and welcome back to another video. And today, guys, we are back for something honestly crazy. So, the support has been awesome ever since I came back. Like, all the comments, everything. Like, it's just been wild. Like, I can't believe the kind of support I have and like seriously guys, I left for years and everyone stuck with me through all this time. And just hearing that like my story is helping other people means the world to me. And you guys saw like what happened while I was gone. You know, you know about my arrest cuz that was online and then I finally reacted to that. But so much has happened since then. There's like so much to this story that I really

hope helps other people, especially um people who know someone going through addiction to see kind of the mindset they're in because it's so hard to understand it. And for some reason, I was dumb enough to try to record myself going through withdrawals. Like I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm a YouTuber at heart. I was sick dying. Probably should have went to the hospital. instead. I'm like, let me pick up a phone and record myself. So, I have a bunch of videos that I really don't even remember making like um from earlier this year. So, that video um where I got arrested, this all happened directly before that. Actually, no, sorry, that was wrong. I already said it

wrong. Sorry. Um these happened directly before my second arrest. So, the original video I showed you guys the clip of like that 10 15 minutee long thing. I recorded these after. I was trying to show myself getting better and then I got arrested. So, that's exactly where this fits in. And I'll show you what happened during that arrest. It is so much worse because people thought it was bad when like the cops were jerks to me and everything and, you know, I tried to run away and they like kind of pinned me with a felony when I really shouldn't have gotten one. Well, I was attacked and this might get demonetized. Um, but this was pretty horrible. It happened to me. Literally one of the worst things in

my life. Um, there was a video. I can't really show the video because it'll definitely like get taken down. Um, and I don't even like watching it honestly. It makes me feel bad like in every way. So, but there is pictures and so definitely watch all the way to the end. There's a lot of interesting stuff here like about like how people going through this feel. So, if you know someone and your family or a friend like hopefully that'll help you or if you're in this situation, know you're not alone. Like I'm just I got about as bad as someone could get and still be standing here. So, we're sitting here. So, that's

always good. Um, but yeah, guys, I'm back. I'm feeling great. Let's jump into this. This is some of this is hard for me to watch. I actually started to record this and then I was like, "Okay, I talk too much cuz I was so quiet in these clips." So, I'm doing it again. I'm going to shut up during all the clips and then react after. Um, because some of them I had to play music in because I was getting panic attacks like constantly like, and the music is like calm, like soothing music. I'd play it 24/7 and I would never move and just sit there and have to go through weeks of just feeling like I'm going to die ba basically. But let's watch one of these. So, I was just sitting here and I got

super paranoid for some reason. Like you see the um picture cloud and the owl and the guy. I literally felt like everyone was looking at me and my giant bear. I had to turn it around. I got so paranoid and then I thought I saw someone outside and and then I went to have um a drink to just calm myself down cuz I actually thought the bear was going to attack me, which sounds extremely delusional because it is. I just had no idea what to do about it. Okay, so yeah, as you can see, I was super paranoid. Um, this has happened to me going through withdrawals before because I went through them a lot of times because I tried to get better a million times before it finally like worked for me. Um, and yeah, I get

paranoid, like really paranoid. I'm about as heavy as a drinker as someone could possibly be. Um, I was drinking I would say roughly 50 shots of alcohol a day uh for like years straight. Um, and when I would have not have alcohol in my system, like I get paranoid, like pictures would actually feel like they're staring at me. Like literally like and my even though it makes no sense, they it's like I'm being watched and it just the anxiety was so high. Couldn't leave my house. I couldn't do anything. Constant panic attacks. It just was a horrible feeling. And going through this at home by yourself is like a terrible dangerous idea. So I don't recommend that to anyone. Um, what I try

to do is to wean myself off alcohol. So a little bit less every day. Um, when you start at like 50, that is a long, horrible, painful process. And this is how it went. And by the way, I haven't really recorded myself because I need to get dressed still. Well, I never realized how terrible it was to be alone until I got super paranoid. Every little noise, like even cloudy or something, too. And even that makes me paranoid cuz he's always staring at everything. But no, it's so miserable being alone for this in this big house. All you hear noises. It's like 5 o'lock in the morning. It's dark outside.

Yeah. 5:00 in the morning. Like I would I wouldn't sleep either. You can't sleep during it. If you do sleep, at least for me, it was just the worst experience of my life. Like I'd wake up gasping for air and I'd start like having like weird shakes like seizures, I guess. Um probably should have went and seen someone about that. Like this was a terrible experience and like just being alone is the scariest thing ever. But people around made too much noise too which would make me panic. It just like uh that's why they do give you some drugs when you go to the hospital for this because like just doing it alone. It's like this is almost impossible. And I ended up in jail anyways but um and then in rehab which was probably good. So that's where

we went with that. Here more to music and panic attacks. I don't know that there's much to actually see here other than my setup. I'll explain it to you guys. Uh I did try to eat almost impossible to eat too. I had a breathalyzer to make sure that like the alcohol I did drink. I didn't drink too much either. Um these had alcohol in them. The cups and I drank tons of water as you could see. Like I was trying to rehydrate myself while slowly coming down off alcohol. Uh I don't show any drinking of course in the video. Um weirdest flashlight I ever got. Uber. It's flat. Um, I don't know what other stuff is, but yeah, I'm just sitting here and I can't really leave this spot. I believe that's my puke towel there on the ground, which

is disgusting because I wasn't capable of even getting up to puke. It could I couldn't get up. I wasn't strong enough. Anyways, like I'd have to just puke on the ground onto a towel and go or do nothing. That was horrendous. Horrendous. Let me see this one. And I really should probably remove that puke towel because it's touching my shoe and that's disgusting. Oh, there's my emotional support kitty. Cloud, can you clean it up for me, please? No, please. Oh, you're so cute. I mean, Cloud really did stick with me through everything. Like, and chips were like palatable. That's why I had chips

there. Like it's not like I could really I didn't have a lot of choices on food. Everything tastes terrible during it, too. It's so weird. Like everything and if you eat something during it, when you feel better, you never want to eat that food again cuz you like associate it with feeling like you're going to die cuz it's like mental and physical and everything at the same time. That's like why I thought it was important to show this kind of thing cuz like it's it's not just someone has the flu. It's nothing like that. You might be sick stomach-wise like that, but like you're everything is going on. Trust me. Like you have the worst anxiety of your life.

Like you are depressed like you've never been depressed ever. Like it's it's so weird all hitting you at the same time. Brain isn't functioning right. It just it's not like a good combination. Time to try to eat some actual food. This is leftover from yesterday. The shaking is pretty bad. Yeah, not the most exciting video in the world. Although the food does look pretty good, honestly. But yeah, I'm shaking like crazy. Like that can get so bad, too. And it's gotten horrible for me. It lasts like it lasted um when I went to rehab this time and actually got sober in the long like I've been sober so long now. Um it lasted a month and a half. I was shaking for when

I got to rehab after jail. Like I was 3 weeks sober and couldn't get my own food. People had to get food for me cuz I was shaking too much to even pick up food. It was horrendous. Cuz this shaking right here is with alcohol like in my system. Like that. Imagine how bad it is without it, which you'll see as we get further. As a certified Italian, I must have enough Parmesan cheese on my Asian food. That should be perfect if I had twice as much. I can't tell. Like, you know, the withdrawals made me sound slightly more racist during that. I'm definitely very Italian and I put Parmesan on everything. So, I'm glad that was still in me. So, I was still kicking in there. You knew there was

hope when I doused it in Parmesan cheese. That's that's how I feel at least. And oh, I put this in the first video at the end. Like, this is how bad I was shaking without drinking pretty much. It gets to the point where like you actually can't pick up a drink to stop it with the two-hand drink. I've I've sh I've thrown one all over my face before um when I was trying to get better. Like and the thing is guys, if it's so hard to get better because if you drank like if I drank a good amount of alcohol, I'd feel 100% good. Great. Get up dancing, whatever. Go out. But like to get better, I have to go through this. So, it's so easy for someone to like relapse trying to go through this. Like, that's the problem

with it. And that's why you need medical supervision in the first place, which I think that's what we're going to go into here. Um, I'm not going to click on this one cuz I don't want to get demonetized, but I literally puked on my electrical outlet, which is kind of scary to think about. I couldn't even move and miss it. Um, and it looks like I just threw napkins on it. That's not good. Um, and yeah, here's a breathalyzer. So, I do breathalyze myself. So, let's check that out. I think I can talk to this one. so hard to feel up to recording anything right now. Yeah, I didn't want to record. That's why I really couldn't uh record too much.

I don't know how to hold the camera. Oh my god. Yeah, I am too sick most of the time. Um but you can see it's there. Right there. I'm 100% sober. Um wouldn't trust me to drive right there though, that's for sure. Uh I think this is when I start to look a little bit better because you do get better. It's just a slow process. So, check it out. Oh, and in case you're wondering, I don't know why I'm saying you were in case you guys are wondering or if I only end up sending this to my mom. Um, I'm not really going to be showing me drinking in the videos because uh I don't want to get demonetized cuz I was still drinking a significant amount of alcohol.

Yesterday, I drank probably a bottle and a half just to feel not like I was going to die. And today I'm gonna try to drink slightly uh less than that. I think my skin actually looks a little bit better already. I fixed my I finally like got up and brush my teeth. But mostly right now all I wanted to do is like lay here and rest. So just to keep in mind a bottle and a half is about 25 shots of alcohol which kills some people. That was me trying to come off the alcohol and starting to look quite a bit better over the days. That's why it's such a terrible process. Um I think here's where I was getting sick again.

Okay. I wasn't expecting to puke, but no music that because I hadn't in a couple days. I'm doing better. My body's kind of in shock. Hey, emotional support kitty. So, we had a beautiful pink bucket. Such a gross setup. Um the thing is if you push yourself really hard, you're going to be a lot sicker, which you're not supposed to push yourself too hard. Old man noises. Kind of dangerous. I'm going to relax. I just took two and a half more shots and I'm just going to lay down. Dude, I don't know what else to say. I really hope someday I could actually look at these and laugh like, "Oh my god,

that was 10 years ago. Remember when I had that problem and I got over it?" Like, I really hope I can laugh about it cuz even now it's like painful to watch. Like there's nothing funny about it at all. Like I literally was a guy just like suffering by myself with a chance of dying right there. Like it because I mean like it's not like I didn't get seizures and stuff. Obviously none of that has ever been recorded but like the bad things did happen and like it's it's just crazy to see this cuz I'm nowhere near in the same place right now.

Okay, I remember what I wanted to say. This is the exact reason that when people are addicted to things, it's hard to, you know, get off them because, you know, how much easier it would be for me to just drink a bunch of alcohol and feel great, you know, like instead of feeling horrible, but I know that I have to, you know, do better than that. So, I'd rather feel horrible for now so I can feel better later. You know, I really did try to tough it out until the arrest came, which you guys are going to see, uh, pretty soon. Um, see this is where things actually were starting to get decent. Like I was starting to succeed, although not

really. Yeah, you'll see. I did. It's not like I didn't mess up because you do mess up. It's pretty It happens. Um, but uh let's see. How do I want to How do I even want to tackle this? All right, I'm going for a walk and I'm going to talk about how like I drank too much. All right, guys. I want to do a quick update. I'm obviously going for a walk right now. It's super dark out, but I had something important to mention. I hope this doesn't go completely black in a second cuz there's no light. All right, I'm going to walk back and forth then. Yeah, this is um this is weird video for sure. So, basically, yeah, yesterday I messed up kind of bad.

Actually left the house. Uh overly emotional. I don't want to go into relationship stuff since that's like pretty personal. Not that this whole thing isn't pretty personal. It really is. Yeah. But anyways, um I did what I always did and I drank way too much and I had weaned down to like um a very small amount of al see I think that's like a good point too. Like a lot of us deal with things in life by you know using substances and I did it for a long time and I was so used to it. I think I don't remember what happened exactly but something like in my life happened you know um relationship wise and like the first thing I did is I wanted to pick up

the bottle and I did. Um but at least I got up the next day and I was like okay you messed up. Let's just continue on and keep sobering up cuz apparently I was down to a very low amount of alcohol in my system um throughout the day at this point where I'm like I'm talking more normal too and I'm walking around. I left my house cuz before I was panicking I couldn't leave the house. I couldn't go for a walk in my neighborhood. I couldn't walk around the house. I actually had a panic attack walking to my mailbox and that's freaking weird because I could run back to the house but the thing is I tend to start to like faint. I don't know what it is like and then I'm scared I'm going to faint and faint on my driveway and

someone will find me like and it's a whole thing in my head I guess. Alcohol. So yesterday I drank an entire bottle. Um one important thing to uh remember which can show that this is quite a bit from the like this is far ahead of the last clip I showed you where I talked about that where um I said a bottle and a half is what I was down to because this was overdoing it a bottle. So I was probably down to like eight to 10 shots I imagine. um which is pretty close to being um sober is when you mess up to make sure like you understand like it's okay just like keep going cuz a lot of people just give up completely and I think that's a big problem with um addiction cuz they feel like they messed up and they feel like

it's all over and then they just go back to doing what they were doing before. So I sobered up um felt little shaky too uh for a couple hours which had went away completely so that was a little disappointing. kind of woke up feeling like ashamed too, which I haven't felt that way in a long time. But um got over that. Um got in some exercise. Um mostly later in the day cuz I felt kind of weird. But um now I feel pretty good. I'm kind of just going for a walk. It is freezing outside. Oh my god, my hands are frozen. It's like 40°. But I figured I need to keep moving and stuff. So yeah, important thing just to remember for myself and for anybody is like don't give up just cuz you made a mistake. so

common to make a mistake and it's part of the process too. But um today will be a better day and it's gone black. So see you guys later. Well, as you can tell I'm not I am doing better there. Also like I my face did start to look better. I found like two pictures right around here. This all happened within like a week and a half which is kind of crazy. Like my skin like I'm I'm like my skin isn't like as gross now which is good. I really need a haircut clearly. Uh and I even have a clip here. I'm I'm just going to like mute the music because it's going to get me demonetized for sure. Okay, guys. You

can see right here. Um I set up a camera and I was like, "Okay, I need to do some running." See, there I go. Like, um I was doing a little bit better. I have gotten panic attacks while working out, too. Like, panic attack became my worst nightmare during um my drinking. And it's a reason I continued to drink and never really stopped. I'd start to feel better like I am right here. Like, and then I'd be like, "Okay, I really want to do something. I want to go out. I want to have fun like because I'm not this trust I didn't look good in that view. Um I want to go out and I want to have fun and then I'd be like you know what let me have some drinks and go out now that I'm not feeling like I'm dying

anymore. And I would do that and then it would snowball to the same thing where I'm just as sick again. And it happened a bunch of times and then it was soon after. I know that I like um I did get very drunk one of these days like a few days after this. Um and that is when I got arrested. I actually forgot to show this clip. So, not only did I try to run, um, I lifted weights, too. So, I tried to bench 155 pounds and it was so heavy because I didn't touch weights in years. And then I tried to do it now that I'm sober to show you guys like the huge change you could make. So, let's check this out. Oh, and I did take the music off cuz I like play music loud like crazy. But my body's completely

different, too. It's a 35 pound change in how I look then. So, as you can see, this is super heavy right here. I think I was even like yelling a bit in this. Yeah, you could see right there. A huge struggle with that weight. So, this is now after getting sober. It's the same weight. It's not a ton of weight, but as you could tell, guys, like complete difference. I lost 35 lbs. It goes from five reps to 20 reps. And I didn't touch weights for years. So, hopefully that motivates people to not spend so much time like drinking. And like your body will change completely as you can see like in this video. Like it's honestly kind of crazy to see like the huge change which I'm so happy

about. I There we go. 20 reps with that. So there was a warn out for my arrest. This had already happened. I was nervous about it and that's why I started to drink like um because the problem was I failed the drug test um previous previous to even the video that I made, you know, um before all this. The one that I showed you guys in the first video, like that 15inute video, I failed the drug test before that, but there was no warn out for my arrest or at least I didn't know there was. Once I found out there was, I freaked out and I drank, you know. I drank and I think I did some drugs. Uh like I literally I was so nervous. I didn't know what to do.

I'm like, they're going to come for me. And they did come for me. Um I actually fell on my face. Can't show that picture either. I That's why I got this scar up here. It was just blood everywhere and like and I was like whatever. Um I think like I said it to my girl like that I was ow. I don't know what I said. Um, I can't show it though cuz it's awful. Seriously, it's awful. Looks like someone hit me in the face with a baseball bat. And then I'm like, I want to sleep cuz I was messed up. So, I was like, I'm going to sleep on it where I needed stitches really badly. Um, I'm pretty sure like something happened. She sent it to my parents. Anyways, police got called on me while I had a warrant for my arrest. Don't even like talking

about that at all. Um, obviously I didn't answer the door, but there was a warrant for my arrest and um, they knew I was home cuz people called the police. So, they broke into my house while I was asleep and I woke up with a dog on top of me. That is literally what happened to me. I was brutally attacked by a dog and I don't know if you could see the scars really. And my tricep is not formed right anymore. It's supposed to connect from here to here. I don't think the webcam shows it great, but my tricep does not connect here and I have dog bites all over my arm now. Um, so it got me brutally. I'm hoping uh and there's the pictures here are from after spending three weeks in jail. Um, there

were no pictures like directly after this. I was dragged out of my house covered in blood. Um, so I don't know if any of these pictures are any good really. Like yeah, I mean it was 3 weeks so yeah, it's like scabbing up here. There were holes though for like two weeks. I swear they put me in jail for the exact amount of time for them not to be holes anymore. Um it doesn't look terrible. I don't And that was in the hospital, too. That's another story is going to we're going to get into that at another time. I lost all the muscle of my arm. Isn't that crazy? I couldn't move this arm. Um the jail story and what happened is even worse to be honest. I just it such a downfall of my life before it started to get better

because you guys don't even know the worst parts which is nuts cuz trust me we haven't gotten there yet. Here was my room after I was attacked by the dog in my bed which means I went down onto the floor and dripped blood all over the floor. I'm not going to zoom in or anything but that is quite a lot of blood. There's blood on the blankets. There's blood on all the blankets. Everything's thrown everywhere. and I was dragged out of my house. Um, and apparently the neighbors saw me get dragged out of my house. They were not very happy about that. Um, yeah, there was blood everywhere. I just to start

the jail story, I got they brought me to a hospital. That was a fake hospital. That was a real hospital. I'm telling you, police, I'm telling you that was not a real hospital you brought me to. That lady, she's like my first time doing stitches and she didn't do them on my arm. She didn't give me any. She gave me them right here. Um when I got to the jail after the hospital they had to bring me to the jail hospital there because no one made it stop bleeding. I was bleeding through the bandage all over their floor everywhere. I became dog bite guy. I am dog bite guy because in jail that's my name. I'm dog bite guy thanks to the police and thanks to um the nursing fake station that did their work on this that

did terrible. Did no one think maybe we x-ray the tricep not being connected properly anymore? I don't even know how this arm functions properly. I can sell lift weights. It's weird. I probably should see a doctor. I have so much anxiety to do that. Um, but yeah, the police have been the major there will be one nice police officer in the next story. One. So, like they have not been great to me because I was passed out, messed up. Apparently called because I was messed up like to help me. It was supposed to be a call to help me. Instead, they sent a dog in instead of the police. The police just let the dog in. Chew toyed me completely crazy. Like, but yeah, guys, that's like that's part of the story that happened.

It's like the video is just depressing. Honestly, you probably don't want to see that. Like, but seriously, you know, life can turn around. I hope that shows anyone like you could be down bad. Trust me, they put me away. This time when they put me away, I didn't get Bond. I wasn't getting out. That's what happened. Um, but that's uh for the future to tell guys um in the story.