Later on, I'll be talking to uh peace activists Aziz Abu Sarah and Meos Inan. They are a Palestinian and an Israeli who traveled their homeland and uh I assume uh walked into a bar with the Pope. So honestly, it is an it's an incredible book about two men touched by tragedy who try to rise above this conflict to find reconciliation and healing. It's a message of compassion shared by many in the world today, including Chicago born, Villanova educated Pope Leo the 14th. Let those who have the power to unleash wars choose peace. Not a piece imposed by force but through dialogue. Look who became pope and suddenly became too good for English. But still a beautiful compassionate message that I cannot imagine anyone really anyone

anyone I can't think of. It does not come into my brain that anyone in the world hearing the Pope's message of peace will have some kind of a weird problem with it. Overnight, President Trump lashing out at Pope Leo on Truth Social, calling the first American Pope weak and a loser. I am really starting to sour on this president. A MAN, WHAT IS GOING through Trump's mind? What did the Pope say? HE WANTS WHAT? DIALOGUE, PEACE. He wants to choose the noblest aspirations of mankind to show humanity at its greatest articulation. That loser, that guy's a loser.

THAT GUY WHO DIED and made him Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, that's who died. Okay. Oh, really? There was a vote. White smoke. Interesting. Fair enough. Interesting. Hold on. Yeah, I'm gonna have to call you back. Okay. And look, President Trump, I know the Vatican's been critical of your policies, but you got to remember that at the end of the day, you and the Catholic Church both historically care deeply about the same thing, covering up sex scandals. We both By the way, Trump's comments about the Pope upset a lot of people of Christian faith. But please don't worry, it gets worse. In a separate social media message, the

president shared an image of himself in a religious scene that appears to depict Trump as Jesus. Wait, the guy in the bed. CAN I JUST Are you What the? Wait, what? How did I mean, look, I know I don't have the vigor and spunk of my MTV days, but I didn't know we were here already. I didn't realize my look had reached le leper territory. I mean, from the picture, it looks like it was touch and go with me for a while. But thank God, in my time of need, I was surrounded by family. Uh, there's my darling wife, Amy Lynn, hands

clasped in prayer. My brother, Sergeant Chisel Jaw. Oh, look in the back. There's There's Papy Joe. He and I stormed the capital together. Me and Bobby Joe. And up at the top there, there's the eagle that delivers my mail. And apparently the lead singer of Guire is in the middle of there. You look at the just the bottom there. It looks like there's a just a guy's hand. Not mine. which is some other guy's hand seems to be taking advantage of my infirmity to this is freaking me the out.

You know the whole thing happening outside the watchful eye of daytime fireworks. You know, I'm just glad that Jesus Trump brought his healing orb. By the way, can I tell you my favorite thing about this picture? Uh, like I like how there's only so much AI can do. Like AI is like, "Look, I can give you the fireworks and the healing powers and I can make you Jesus, but you weigh what you weigh. Sorry. It just is what it is. I listen. I PLUGGED IN ALL THE [__] GIVE ME THE FLAG. Make me Jesus. do the Eagles. And then he was like, "And make me 185." And I'm like, "Can't do it.

You're going to have to be fat, Jesus. Sorry, CHUBS." That's me entering the program. Now, apparently, not everyone in the Christian community took too kindly to Trump portraying himself this way. And the backlash was bad enough that Trump was forced to come up with his own incredibly plausible cover story. Mr. President, did you post that picture of yourself depicted as Jesus Christ? Well, it wasn't depicted. It was me. I did post it and I thought it was me as a doctor. That's you AS A DOCTOR. OH, I'm trying. What's this? Urgent care. IS THAT AN URGENT CARE? IS THAT WHAT THAT IS?

WHY DON'T YOU OWN IT, you big puss? You put yourself OUT THERE AS JESUS. YOU GOTING CALLED on it and now you're like, "God, do you even care about lying to us anymore? Is it over? IS THIS RELATIONSHIP GONE STILL? YOUR LIES USED TO HAVE A real spark. THEY'RE EATING THE CATS AND DOGS. VENEZUELA STOLE THE 2020 election and now the best you've got is Oh no, it wasn't Jesus. I'm a doctor. You need to find your happy place and fast. We expect better lies, sir. And can I just remind you, Mr. President, we're in the middle of a grinding war with Iran. Can you just address that in a straightforward way

with the American people without all this other weird [__] going on? Can you just do that once? I don't think it gets much more hostile than Iran. They're capable fighters. They're very tough people. And there are others like that. You don't mind when the enemy is weak, but that enemy is strong. You guys see the rabbit, too, right? I've been I You see it? Oh, thank God. I'm so glad they see it. You know, clearly I've been on a lot of leprosy meds, so I don't a lot of hallucinations and [__] By the way, the surreal image of the president running through his cavalcate of grievances next to the

Easter Bunny was not exclusive to the balcony. Poor Peter Contel had to listen to this [__] all day. We've broken every record on the stock market. We've broken every record in our military. And we are the most respected country anywhere in the world with the greatest military, Mr. Jameson Greer. Have you heard of him? He's right here. Come on over here. How are we doing on trade? It's a big country. They can't fight back. They have no capability. NATO should be ashamed of themselves. This is about eggs.

I'm sorry. THAT'S INSANE. I CAN'T HELP but think that if Jesus came back to see the White House Easter event, he'd be like, I think you may have misunderstood my message at one point. Did you see the Easter Bunny got so bad you're not sure if it was an episode of The Office? Did anybody in the egg industry vote for Kamala? A low IQ. She's a low IQ person. In the middle of it, the Easter Bunny does one of these. He landed IT AND HIS EYES DON'T MOVE. HIS HEAD IS IMMOBILE AND HE STILL LANDED the you believe this. Howed up do you HAVE TO BE FOR AN ADULT IN a bunny suit to go all right now I'm embarrassed. But back to Iran. If you remember

correctly about a WEEK AGO, DONALD TRUMP HAD given Iran a deadline to open up the straight of Hormuz or face the end of their civilization. And while Iran neither opened up the straight of horses or face the end of their civilization, they did agree to a two-e ceasefire and to meet in Islamabad Pakistan to talk. LET'S GO THERE NOW. The fate of the US Iran war is hanging in the balance. The collective world holding its breath. highest stakes talks between the US and Iran in many years in the balance the lives of millions of people across the Middle East and the fate of the global economy. My god, these negotiations couldn't be more

critical. WE'RE GOING TO NEED EVERYBODY. BUNNY, PACK YOUR EGGS. WE'RE GOING TO PAKISTAN. But what luck for the United States because what Iran might not realize is our president is the greatest negotiator in the history of his book. We are talking about this year's recipient of the FIFA Peace Prize and some gold thing from Apple. And they don't just give those to anyone. I had the inflection wrong. They don't give those to anyone. I would have loved to see those Iran negotiators faces when the formidable negotiator chief Donald Jasfer Trump entered those talks on Saturday in Islamabad.

Unfortunately, he couldn't make it because I [__] you not, he went to a UFC fight with Dana White. Now, before you criticize the president of the United States for attending a UFC fight around the same time that America and Iran are locked in highstakes negotiations in Islamabad, you do have to understand he had fantastic seats. Like super close. Like uncomfortably weird and close. You're a beautiful man. Great fight. Thanks. We'll give you a hug. You look so good. You're too good-looking to be a fighter. You are some fighter. Thank you, man.

Hey, uh, one last thing. You wouldn't mind trying on a bunny suit, would you? That Now, let's let's see where those eggs come out of. I don't really understand Easter. All right, but it's fine. The president didn't need to be in Islamabad. I'm sure he can delegate some of the heavy lifting to his accomplished secretary of state, Marco Rubio, WHO OH IS ALSO AT THE FIGHT. COME ON. AND BY THE WAY, what in the pitbull are those hand signals? No disrespect to Marco repping the 305, but if Trump isn't in Islamabad and Marco Rubio isn't in Islamabad, who exactly is in Islamabad handling

these extremely delicate negotiations? Hey guys, good morning. Thanks for coming. NO, JANE DOLORES Vance you. World peace DEPENDS ON CHUBBY FACE MUN. WELL, all right, fine. I remain open-minded. Let's set the scene. Obviously, the last Iran agreement took the Obama administration 20 months to negotiate, and this time there's a wide gap between the US position and the Iranian position. The US is asking for an unconditional surrender. Iran is asking for control of the state of Hormuz, nuclear enrichment, and money. I'm glad the Pakistanis are setting the stage for what will be extensive and grueling talks.

The host country declaring a national holiday, implementing a lockdown in the capital of Islamabad. The Pakistani government uh welcomed both delegations with flowers as they both got off the plane. The building was decked out in branding. There were signs that read Islamabad talks. Reporters were offered specially branded brewed for peace coffee. The peace talks have aing signature cocktail. Are the countries registered? You know, I apologize. I'm sorry. Respect Pakistan for taking this seriously and for locking the US and Iran in for the long haul.

US Vice President JD Vance and his delegation are headed home. What? It's over already. Oh my god. Did JD Vance justing nail this in a Did JD Vance just Rubik's cube world peace just boom. You know what JD Vance I owe you an apology. I thought you were some kind of incompetent unlikable cytoplasmic apparition of a meatag filled with cynical ambition. A cipher whose only principle is devotion to power. But you're not that at all. You are a competent, unlikable cytoplasm of a meat bag. US officials say there's no deal following 16 hours of negotiations with Iran.

Wait, and you didn't even get Wait, you went home and didn't even get a deal? It failed and you just came home that Well, I'm sorry. Don't Don't be too hard on yourself. You did give it almost a day. I mean, we all knew that's what it took to build Rome. Jesus, couldn't you have just thrown down some of that peace coffee and pulled an allnighter? No. Let's resume in the morning and build on some momentum. Just I got to go. I don't want to miss euphoria. At least tell us after all this there were some concessions. You got the straight of Hormuz open. President Trump announcing today a US military blockade of all ships passing through the Straight of Hormuz.

Wait, no, we're blocking it. What kind of up Godfather? You think you're going to close the straight? No. No, my friend. We're closing the straight. You think you can kick me in the balls? NO. WATCH THIS. ARE WE EVER GOING to get this horror moose straight? I'm telling you, man. It's all starting to fall apart in MAGA World. The whole thing spread too thin. Even Trump's overseas allies are in trouble. Victor Orban, one of President Trump's closest allies in Europe, is facing his toughest challenge as he tries to win a fifth term as prime minister.

Well, then no, no, that shouldn't be a problem. We all know Trump is the endorser-in-chief. He shows up to a rally. Almost inevitably that person gets elected. Is Trump going to head to Hungary to prop up his boy Orban? I mean, who else could you send? Hey guys, good morning. NO. YES. APPARENTLY, A COUPLE OF DAYS BEFORE JD VANCE [__] the bed in Islamabot, HE TOOK A PRACTICE CRAP in Budapest. JD Vance treated the crowd to a phone call live from Donald Trump. Here's how it all played out. I actually had a special guest that asked that I give him a phone call and we'll see. Let's hope he actually answers. This is going to be very embarrassing.

All right. I'm sorry. The person you were trying to reach has a voicemail box that has not been set up yet. Okay. Wow. JD Vance has the same relationship with President Trump that we have with Comcast customer service. That's incredible. Can I tell you my favorite part of the whole thing was the sort of uh Vegas magician part at the beginning with the phone. Hey, I've got a special friend. But JD, you flew all the way over there. Give her another go. Okay, try one more time. I get a good signal here. It's ringing. It's progress. Mr. President, you are on with about 5,000 Hungarian patriots and I think they love you even more than they love Victor Orban.

Oh my god, you asskissing cytoplasmic blah. what I said earl. But you know what? I'm sure that by pulling out the big guns, having Donald Trump and JD Vance throw all of the American power behind Victor Orban is sure to pay dividends. Hungarian Prime Minister Victor Orban was voted out of power in a massive landslide. Please God, let the dam be breaking, folks. this has been a truly [__] year as we have all been at the mercy of the mercurial whims of a megaloman maniacal man baby and we are tired. The presidency is supposed to age the president not the people. But I'm telling you, there is hope. The air of Donald Trump's invincibility is being slowly eroded by world events and his own heart's ability

to clear liquid from his capillaries. But we cannot give in to the sadness. We must embrace these moments of light and hope and oxygen. Even Maga is beginning to realize the depths of this man's depravity. No matter how much we love the person, he's healing. And I do appreciate it. And to the dismay of Donald Trump and his acolytes, an illiberal autocrat who controlled the media, stacked the judiciary, and manipulated the electoral process of his country has been crushed because the people of Hungary stood up and said, "Fuck this. We must remember these moments of hope."

I'm going to show you something. These are Hungarians. It's not where we are right now, but I am starting to believe it is where we could be soon. Drink in their jubilation. Take solace and strength from their joy. All right, that might be a little much, but you know what? Sure, it dance like that. And remember, as we grind through these next 2 and 1/2 years, it ain't over till the Freddy Mercury sings. Let's start with Vice President JD Vance. He had to come out yesterday to defend President Trump from all the woke Christians who are trying to cancel him just because he might have said, "I am Jesus." Okay.

Hey, get over it, snowflakes. Where in the Trump Bible does it say you can't worship false idols? So, poor JD Vance has to come out and explain why you don't get it. I think the president was posting a joke and of course he took it down because he recognized that a lot of people weren't understanding uh his humor in that case. Shut up. It was a joke. What's the matter? You guys don't have jokes at Jesus camp. Everyone knows Trump posted this picture to be funny, right? I did post it and I thought it was me as a doctor. Wait, wait. What do you mean a doctor?

Okay, well, make up your mind. Is it a doctor or is it a joke? Or is it a doctor who is a joke? Like a chiropractor? I don't know. Anyway, look, the point is all these Christians need to get off Trump's back. Even Pope Leo is going around criticizing Trump and Catholic JD Vance had to take him to Sunday school. I certainly think that in some cases it would be best for the Vatican to stick to matters of morality, to stick to matters of uh you know what's going on in the Catholic Church and let the president of United States stick to dictating American public policy.

Yeah. Stop getting all high and mighty. The Pope JD Vance just told the Pope to shut up and dribble. Look, look, it's hard enough being the Pope without having this guy telling you how to do your job. I mean, think about it. The Pope has to wear white all the time and eat Italian food. I mean, it's it's a miracle he isn't saying every mask covered in marinara. But let's move on because there's a Trump administration official starting a podcast. And if you're hoping it's one of the ones with a voice that doesn't sound like [__] think again. US Health Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. has announced he is launching a new podcast.

I'm Robert F. Kennedy Jr., your HHS secretary. This podcast is about telling the truth, especially when it's uncomfortable. I'm uncomfortable already. I can't think of anyone less suited to an audiocentric medium. Uh although actually, maybe that's how they'll make money. I mean, DraftKings is going to pay to not have ads on it. I can't wait for his first guest, the jackhammer outside your apartment building at 6:00 a.m., but what's this podcast about exactly?

I'm going to ask the questions and lift the taboos and expose the hypocrisy and the conflicts and the corruption. We're going to follow the evidence wherever it leads, and we're going to name the names of the forces that obstruct the path to public health. Wow. Cool. You're You're going to talk about the government's problems on a podcast. That's great. And maybe after you do that, you could, I don't know, maybe send an email to yourself to fix it cuz you're the government now. Remember that's that's your job. What's episode two about? Why are government employees starting podcasts instead of working?

I investigate. And finally, let's turn to Greg Phillips, the head of FEMA's Office of Response and Recovery. Now, in a normal administration, we would go the entire presidency without ever knowing who's the head of FEMA's Office of Response and Recovery. But, you know, this is Trump, so instead, we get [__] like this. Greg Phillips. He was on a podcast in January of last year during which he claimed more than once that he's teleported, including one time, to a Waffle House. Okay, wait, wait. Hang on, everybody. Wait, just time out in America. Give me a timeout here. This dude teleported to Waffle House.

Okay, look. He must be joking, right? You know, like when you tell everyone that you're Jesus, it's it's just a joke. I was with my boys one time and I was telling I was going to go to Waffle House and get Waffle House and and I ended up at a Waffle House. This was in Georgia. And I end up at a Waffle House like 50 miles away from where I was. They said, "Where are you?" I said, "A Waffle House." They said, "Waff House where?" And I said, "Well, FL in Rome, Georgia." I said, "That's not possible. You just left here like a long way ago." Okay. Wow. I never thought I'd hear a boring teleportation story, but this is this guy's like, I told my boys I was going to a Waffle House, but instead I ended up at a

different Waffle House. Universe works in mysterious ways. You have the power of teleportation, but you use it to go to Waffle House. I mean, that's that's like if you invented time travel and instead of going back in time to kill Hitler, you went back in time to kill the cashier at Waffle House. Surely there was another place you teleported to besides Waffle House. I was on the phone. Oh my god, what's happening? And I was landed um and um and landed about 40 miles away in a ditch outside of a Baptist church. It's It's amazing. Um teleported to Waffle House, a ditch. This guy teleports to all the exact places you end up when you're blackout drunk.

How that's just incredible. I mean, Tiger Woods is like, "Yeah, THAT HAPPENED TO ME, TOO." YEAH. I JUST TELEPORTED into an upside down car. And here's how crazy the story is. Even Donald Trump heard it and was like, "This is crazy." So CNN's Andrew Kazinski called the president to ask about all this. The president's first response was quote, "Was he kidding?" When Andrew said, "No." The president said this, quote, "I don't know anything about teleporting. It just sounds a little strange, but I know nothing about teleporting or him, but I'll find out about it right now." The president is on it.

He's Trump's going to find out about it right now because if there's a way to bend the laws of the universe to get waffles quickly, Trump will find it. Now, you're probably thinking it would be incredibly irresponsible to allow this guy to keep working at FEMA. Well, call might Shalom because here comes a twist that doesn't make any sense at all. Despite all of this, multiple FEMA officials told us that his performance had eased some of their concerns about his lack of experience. One official even described him as FEMA's best hope, saying they couldn't believe that they were actually saying that.

Look, of course, they like him at work. All right, he can go on a waffle run in seconds. But that tells you all you need to know about the Trump administration, okay? The Waffle House teleportation guy might be the most competent person in FEMA right now. Do you guys remember how before we had a president who was an old man who said crazy things? We had a president who was an old man who said crazy things. Well, Joe Biden's not the president anymore, but he is still very old. At an event at Syracuse University yesterday, former President Joe Biden called out a man who he thought looked like Barack Obama. And by the way, uh I always want to turn around one guy and

say, "Uh, Barack, what are you doing? Come here." Oh no. How bad is this going to be? Like I hope he's not just pointing to some black guy, but I also hope it's at least a black guy. You know what I mean? I Oh my god. Please let him look like Obama. Please I feel like he should be standing on the right and I should be standing on the left. Oh, thank God. Close enough. I mean, I'm not saying he looks a lot like Obama, but it's in the ballpark. I thought for sure it was going to be like Lil Wayne or something. In fact, I don't know how to explain this, but uh somehow that guy looks more

like Obama than Joe Biden looks like Joe Biden. But still, uh what a high-risk, lowreward move that was. I mean, at best, the audience is like, "Oh, yeah, I guess I can see it." And at worst is they send you off to a nursing home for races. Speaking of a nursing home for racists, let's check in with the White House to see how our current president is doing. Good thing America's preeminent TV doctor, Dr. Oz, is keeping an eye on Trump's health. Your dad argues that diet soda is good for him because it kills grass. It poured on grass, so therefore it must kill cancer cells inside the body. So, he'll try to please.

Diet coke kills grass so diet coke must be good for me is a crazy theory. Like this kills plants so safe to assume it'll kill cancer cells and not everything else in my body is flawless logic. Also, why does he think that diet soda kills grass? That's that's not a thing. Like are we sure he hasn't accidentally been drinking Roundup? Like that would explain a lot actually. Um, by the way, I love how Don Jr. just laughs at this. Like if someone told me this about my dad, I'd be concerned. But Don Junior's just like, "Oh yeah, yeah, my dad's brain sure is bad." But let's move on because having a body that's 80% Diet Coke isn't Trump's only

problem right now. Recent polls show that young Republicans are starting to turn on Trump, especially over the war with Iran. But Donald Trump is not worried because he's got the one guy who has the ris max Gen Z again. Talking about Vice President JD Vance. Yesterday he went to a TPUSA event and just look at the pack crowd that came out to see him. Oh my god. Have you ever seen such a handful of people? It's very nice of turning point to institute COVID rules six years too late. BUT JD But JD Vance managed to inspire the crowd with his stirring message of please don't leave me.

I recognize uh that a lot of young voters don't love the policy that we have in the Middle East. Okay, I understand that. What I'm saying is don't get disengaged because you disagree with the administration on one topic. Get more involved. Make your voice heard even more. That's how we ultimately take the country back. Yeah, that's right, JD. It's time to take the country back from yourself. Like what? What are you talking about? Take taking back from what? Republicans have everything. Republicans control the Congress, the White House, the Supreme Court, old media, social media. You even took a Kennedy. I mean you can keep him, but you still

took him that at this point. Why? You're fighting the establishment. You are the establishment, buddy. At this point, liberals are like, "All we have left is blue sky, and we hate that." But young conservatives aren't just mad at Trump because of the war. They're also mad about the thing he started the war to distract us from. The Epstein files. Yeah. Remember that? Yeah. Well, you know what? The streets still have questions, but JD Vance tried to bail Trump out of that one, too. When Donald Trump says when the president says this is a hoax, he's not saying it's a hoax that Epstein was the scumbag. He's saying this Democratic

idea that somehow he was Epstein's best friend. Jeffrey Epstein hated Donald Trump and Donald Trump hated Jeffrey Epste. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Trump and Epstein always hated each other. We all remember that famous video of them. Everyone here is my friend except you. I hate you. I hate you, too. You're a sick pervert. I hate you so much. Go leave. yourself. Case closed. But the big issue JD Vance had to address was Donald Trump's week-long beef with the Pope, which is a completely normal sentence in 2026.

You see, the Pope's position is that peace is good, and Donald Trump's position is that he is Jesus Christ. So JD Vance had to go out there in front of literally dozens of people and tried to argue that the pope was wrong and AI Jesus was right. The Pope's job is to preach the gospel. When the Pope says that God is never on the side of those who wield the sword. There is a thousand-year more than a thousand-year tradition of just war theory. Was God on the side of the Americans who liberated France from the Nazis? I think it's very important for the Pope to be careful when he talks about matters of theology.

Yeah. Shut up. He's right. You got to be careful when you talk about theology. Pope, let me remind you guys that what the Pope basically said was, "War is bad." That's not controversial. All right? It's literally the Pope's job to say things like that. That's like if Miss America wished for world peace and JD Vance burst on stage and was like, "Oh, yeah, even with Hitler. Stay in your lane, bitch." This is why I don't get about guys like JD Vance, okay? How come you have no problem when the Pope weighs in on abortion policy, but when he weighs in on your foreign policy, you freak out? I mean, wasn't assassinating the Ayatollah

just a very, very, very late term abortion? I mean, the man was in his 250th trimester, right? But fine, the Pope said his thing. JD Vance said his thing, and let's just put this thing to bed, okay? No more Jesus stuff. President Trump just posted or reposted on his social media site a new image. The one today is him with Jesus. I think we have this here. Yeah. That great that'll calm things down. Nothing will ease religious tensions like posting an image of Jesus giving you a hand job. Let's start with the straight of hummus. Much like clavvicular, we all found out it exists two months ago and now people won't shut the up about it.

Well, we have an update. It's still closed. No one can get oil cuz turns out this thing we never heard of was the choke point for the entire planet. Whoops. There are long lineups for fuel from Pakistan to Cambodia to Vietnam. Sri Lanka shortened work weeks to save electricity. In Bangladesh, the energy crisis has forced universities to close. In South Korea, people are being asked to take shorter showers. Okay, not cool. South Korea, times of global unrest are when people need to jerk off in the shower the most. And the war is not just making it harder to get clean, it's making it harder to be dead. In Thailand, the strict measures have

prevented this temple from refilling its tanks. meaning they would have to suspend cremations. Are you telling me Thailand is filling up with dead bodies? Well, nobody tell RFK Jr. Did anyone call dibs on these? And while Thailand can't set fire to its dead people, it also can't cool down its living ones. The Thai government has ordered government employees to lower office air conditioning to save energy. During a morning show segment, Thai TV news anchors ditch their suit jackets on air. Let's just take it off so we can set an example of how to save energy, too. By wearing less clothing, it can help with our moods and the coping with the weather.

Yeah. It's kind of hot in here. Let's take off our jackets, Betty. Oh. Oh, what's that? Uh, breaking news. Looks like we have to shower together, too, just to save water. Curse this war. Actually, oh my god, I just realized this whole oil crisis is going to end with me seeing Wolf Blitzer's dick. This shows you what life is like for other countries in a world dominated by America. We start a war and now everyone else has to have swamp ass. But hey, if it's any solace to the rest of the world, I'm sure the American economy is suffering just as much. The American stock market just hit a record high. Isn't that something? That's right. This American stock market is as high as ever thanks to the

investment strategy of LA. Everything's fine. Money, money, money, money. The stock market is like America's Instagram. No matter what's really going on in your life, always looks good on the stock market. Hey, happy anniversary, baby. Our marriage is perfect and we definitely are sleeping in the same room. For most of the world, this war cannot end soon enough. And today we got an update from Pete Hgsth, Secretary of Defense and worst part of every Hooters's waitress's day. He came out at a press conference this morning and you can tell he's laser focused on defeating Iran. A note to the press, to the press corps, to the American media, as I just can't help but notice the endless stream of garbage, the relentlessly negative coverage.

Okay. Right. Well, no. Obviously, he has to defeat the American media first, but then Iran. In the press, you only seek the negative, earning each and every day the fake news label. Okay. I get it. We suck. Fine. Okay. But what about the humus? Sometimes it's hard to figure out what side some of you are actually on. It's incredibly unpatriotic. Where's the coverage of the new spirit in the country? Yeah. You stupid fake news media. show some headlines about Spirit in America. Like, how about Spirit Airlines may have to liquidate due to rising fuel prices.

Okay. Well, I you know what I mean? Okay. Stop. pops out with all the crybaby anti-Trump questions like why haven't we achieved any of the goals in the war just [__] babies only good Christian patriotic questions from now on get go Iranian embassy accounts are sharing an AI video of Jesus Christ kind of bloodily killing President Donald Trump uh does the Pentagon have a response to this including the fact that uh this AI Jesus is casting Trump into hell now there's a question. What does, I quote, what does the Pentagon think of Iran's AI video where Jesus kills Trump and tosses him into hell? Which, by the way, is too graphic to even show on TV. And as we all know, there's no other place besides TV to

watch videos, so I guess you'll never see it. But um what say you, Secretary Hexth? Are you pro or con this video of Trump being sent to the fires of hell by AI Jesus? As far as a video like that, of course that's disgusting and detached uh from reality. Yeah. Okay. Uh thank you for clarifying that Jesus punching Trump straight into hell was not reality. Uh, I don't think there were a ton of people going, "Uh, so are they going to arrest Jesus for this or what?" Right? I mean, I was all set to go to my nearest church, find a priest, and be like, "What the [__] man? Get control of your boy." But this leads to an important point about the Iran war. Memes are weapons now.

War with Iran isn't just playing out on the ground. It's exploding online. Iranian embassies and pro-Iran groups are flooding social media with AI generated memes. Many mocking President Trump and US policy. Oh, mocking President Trump. No one's ever thought of that. Big deal. Look, no offense, Iran, but you're not exactly known as a cultural powerhouse, okay? So, good luck impressing Americans with your little videos. The secrets are leaking. The pressure is rising. We locked on the target. And now you are hiding. We staring at your name. Send them to the slaughter. You the only one to blame. Holy [__] Did I What was going on there?

Is that a sequel to Lego movie I don't know about? Did I just see Iran fire a loser rocket at Lego Trump? I mean, look, do I support Iran propaganda? No. Could it end up on my Spotify raps? Absolutely. I mean, I kind of can't wait for Iran to headline Coachella next year. But if I told can do that, you know what? I bet Donald Trump and his virgin maxing meme lords can go even harder. All right, show him what you got, Trump. You want to see me do it again? What the was that? That was the shittiest meme ever. How is Trump bad at this? What was the point of electing a cyber bully if he sucks at cyber bullying?

I was worried we might be the bad guys in this war, but after seeing this diss track, I'm realizing it's much worse. What? Drake.