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hey i wanna get some stuff off my chest uh because i've been just well i'm gonna explain where the hell i've been what i've been doing other than being on my second channel most of the time and why i haven't been uploading i just talk and just break the ice because i've been playing off uploading and it's been what three months since my last video i tried to sit down and do a real talk and i realized the real talk i did i thought this sounds very familiar everything i'm saying i feel i've said before so i went back a few months and watched my last real talk i appreciate the exact same thing but with less enthusiasm so i had to really break it down i had to remember ali we did cbt we had therapy let us work out our issues why do we
have an issue with psychotraveller what is going on now in my last real talk i pretty much talked about you know i didn't know where i was going to go my travel career felt like it was over and i don't know what to do with my life anymore fine simple give myself some time explore different avenues and i have been having a lot of fun on my second channel i adore my second channel so if you didn't know i have one and that's where i upload every week i'm always on there we talk about books and charity shops and things like that it's a lot of fun but i've been systematically in my head i believe avoiding this channel because obviously i haven't been traveling i don't know what to do and
many things many thoughts which i started avoiding and that's the reason i went into therapy last time because my coping mechanism is to avoid so we don't have to feel everything is okay but it's not okay so let's discuss i said i wanted to figure out what i'm going to do and i was excited by that prospect i'm no longer excited because i can't figure out what i want to do next in my life because my whole life has been very planned out and i've always been achieving and doing things and then i went to therapy because my therapist was like ally this is killing you don't have to always achieve things you achieved a lot of things so i sat with my success and that felt good really looking back what i've i've achieved
and things like that i was like wow what a decade of my life my 20s now in my 30s it's like it feels like a whole new chapter because kobe pretty much destroyed my career because i made the decision not to travel while the government said i couldn't travel so i didn't travel and i didn't do it and i knew that you know pretty much ruin my career for a very long time but i accepted that we move on now that everything's like opening back up i don't know what to do because we went to north wales a few weeks ago and i'm sitting on this footage and it wasn't like i didn't film as a proper vlog i did a lot of b-roll and a little bit of chatty and i was going to sit down and do like a story
time of north wales give you loads of advice i mean sitting on it i'm like why don't i want to upload this well i don't even want to edit it why do i want to look at this footage it's because i feel like i've failed because i see let me take you to the office come on we're gonna come on i've got some energy today i'm just gonna take you upstairs see i sat down i was like i need to do you know my cognitive behavioral therapy techniques so i did and this is what i came up with so this is my thoughts and the evidence and then we just kind of went all over the place it feels like i've already lost psycho traveler it's over i have already resigned myself to my channel is dead no one cares anymore if you upload
or not if you do upload no one's gonna watch it no one's gonna care i don't know what to do now because i'm not traveling i can't see myself international traveling for a while and we can't go away in the campfire every single week scott works nine to five like he has his own business he works monday's friday and we can't go away every weekend i realized this wasn't evidence i haven't been posting my channel is dead key word i haven't been posting let's think about that one for a second shall we i haven't been posting and here is the reason throughout the pandemic i started to do some videos like what travel could look like in the future was really enjoying them not gonna lie they were cool then i kind of got a bit burnt
out because constantly things were changing the pandora was getting worse definitely no one was gonna be traveling internationally kind of laid back on that idea i didn't push it and just kind of took a step back so i wouldn't be traveling now you gotta consider i have been on youtube for eight years something like that it's gotta be eight years now yeah close to being um just a little over probably might be nine years in february wow i've done a lot of videos a lot of travel videos and i have no interest in sitting down and doing what i pack how to pack tips and tricks for budget travel i've done all that a million times so when it came to i couldn't travel i literally lost all inspiration and that's when it hit me psycho
traveler doesn't excite me like it used to one i was forced to stop traveling i've been making videos for eight years like i just said and i got my inspiration from traveling why that didn't click to me i don't know but how i was inspired to do psychotraveller was by actually moving and going to places that's what gave me inspiration for videos that weren't even about that country or about where i went and nothing to do with the vlog but going out inspired me for other things other creative projects other video ideas even just sit down videos or real talk about staying in the travel industry i'm not moving therefore i'm not getting inspired to do anything on this channel i don't know why that didn't click but
in my head it makes so much sense now anything else i could tell you yes okay i think it's time for a rebrand so who am i now so that's really look at who am i now i am an ex-nomad a lot of people like i asked for questions i was gonna do a q a slash real talk and in the video that i filmed was very similar to my last real talk i um saw that i answered a few questions a lot of them were are you gonna be like full-time traveling again or like longer trips always get those questions and the answer is no i won't i'm not going to become a nomad again you can see myself being really mad like when i retire that'd be fun uh but no and because i always get so many of those comments and
questions like when are you doing this again when you're going back to that like everyone's asking me when am i going back to who i used to be almost i freeze up and i'm like i'm not doing that but i won't embrace it i'm an ex-nomad i'm not going to do that again i'm i might i'm never gonna say never it's not in my sphere right now it's not where i wanna go i've done my six years of being a nomad constantly on the road and living abroad i've done that i've lived in some incredible countries and we traveled all over the world it was phenomenal and i still want to travel of course but not like that anymore so i think the whole seeing what other people's expectations were of me constantly subconsciously was just feeding into that's what people
want and you're never going to give it to them then pandemic hits can't give you anything now things are opening up again it's like who am i in this sphere i still adore travel it'll always be part of my soul i love it going to north wales was absolutely phenomenal it was like literally look like new zealand i can't even when oh literally i thought we were in new zealand sometimes it's like wow we were wild camping next to lakes and oh it was amazing anyway i adore traveling but who am i in this sphere and then i ask myself the question do i want to be in this sphere anymore that was a hard one do i want to do it anymore and the question is i don't know it would have been a resounding that's crazy why are you thinking like that a couple
of years ago when everything was going well and i was going all over the place and career was just kicking off speaking gigs all the fun stuff now it's like and i think this still i don't know is scaring me and it's not exciting anymore so thinking about who i am now i'm an ex-nomad i still have extensive travel knowledge i still have a passion and love for travel when we can do it and i take casual campervan trips around the uk when we can and now things are a bit more open um we're gonna make a point while the weather is still kind of okay um to go away for like little trips like this weekend we just want to go down to the cotswolds just for the night that could be a cool little chilled van
trip uh vlog and that could be fun so i'm trying to figure out i was still looking at my channel when i sat down i was like right what are we going to do with psycho traveler i was still looking at it through the lens of 2019 it's not 2019 it's 20 21 and everything has changed everything so i can't keep looking at cycle traveler like it's 2019 because it's not and it's never going to be like that you know for a very long time things have changed i have changed the world has changed and i don't know where i fit into that sphere anymore let's go back downstairs let's go on our therapy couch and finish this up so i'm thinking when it comes to this channel i need a complete rebrand of really honing in on who i am now i
still have all this a mass of travel knowledge i'm an ex nomad we could have some fun with that term like x nomad i don't know um i don't know i don't i think i don't know like i'm trying to hone in on who i am today or do i just leave the travel industry forever and just say goodbye but then what to i don't no i don't know where i'm going i don't know what i'm doing i don't know what i want and the only way i'm going to figure it out is by doing so this is really brutally honest like i didn't want to put this out there of me literally answer the question like do i want to do this anymore i the first time i like i don't know and it's going to take a lot more soul-searching but the thing is soul-searching is going to
take you so far without doing so i'm going to start doing i don't know what i'm going to start doing but i got to start doing something and seeing where i fit in this world and if i fit in at all this is gonna be really hard for me to post because that's a big declaration like and it hurts me and it upsets me because when i was talking to people in wales like when i talk scott's family or something like they always say do you know you referred to psycho travelers she i was like i do i see her as a brand she's my baby she's what i worked on for the past seven years eight years of my life while six years really liked properly like she's something i've built that's given me so much joy and i've achieved and it's like
it feels like it's just always been just pulling away and i don't know where i fit with her anymore and i think the only thing i can do is rebrand this channel still travel it'll always be a travel channel but really hone in on who i am what i'm doing and where i want to go in terms of traveling that i'm still figuring out we have some ideas you know the whole ex nomad lots of knowledge casual campervan trips that is where i'm at right now um so i just wanted to let you in because the longer i left posting this video the more i didn't want to do it and maybe i can go and dissect the whys of that later with wine yeah so they go i just wanted to catch you all up and just kind of just give you like what's in my head
right now i am doing okay i'm getting a lot of anxiety because of everything we've been talking about because i feel i want to crack back into this sphere i just don't know how to and i don't know what the next year looks like or the next month looks like or anything ever you know we're you know it's just left us it feels like we've been spat out of this pandemic and that was still going on and you know everyone's just a bit disorientated so you're not alone as i've said in every video of this pandemic people are still struggling okay we're gonna figure this out um i just wanted to give you a little insight but if you want videos from me my second channel that's where i'm at all the time
now and on my second instagram we just read a lot and have fun and maybe that's where i'll be going i'll become a professional reviewer my god if you've actually seen my reviews on my other channel no don't think it's going to be possible i know have we do it is good over there you know i do recommend you to come and check it out um but yeah all right i'm gonna love you and leave you it feels good to get off my chest but it's scary to admit all of that and i really hope that exciting things come from this so please stick around and we're going to see what happens and it'll be a whole new journey and i don't know where the end point is or what roads we're going to take to get there what it'll even look like so um stick
around and we're going to figure it out together on my two channels and we're going to do this and it'll be fun and we'll look back at this i'm like oh ally you didn't have to worry look at where you are now right we're gonna do that right we're gonna look at that okay good i just needed the you know comfort all right loving leaving shutting up um and yeah let the journey begin
