59:15
I've just spent $10,000 buying the most cursed tech on the internet. Sick. And me and KSI are going to test it until one of us breaks. I'm just going to say two words, human heart. What? No. Starting with the mis-input keyboard, a completely one-of-a-kind deranged keyboard created by another YouTuber, Blitical, because I guess he's at war with ergonomics. Do you spend a lot of time typing? Probably a decent amount of time, yeah. Oh, wow, you just flexed a little bit as well. Yeah, sometimes I can not look. So, it's a tech channel, people won't be impressed by Oh, okay. What do you think to my new keyboard?
What is this? Where's A? Well, A is actually where it normally is. Oh, okay. Well, it looks like someone just swallowed it and then spat it out. That's actually a very good description. Do you like [clears throat] it? No. Oh, okay. This video, we are competing, yeah? So, there are five different things that we're competing in, one of them being a typing test. Could you see how fast you can type this one sentence, please? I hereby AGREE TO [screaming] BE ELECTRICALLY SHOCKED. BRO, this is so weird. Where's C? Oh, don't You actually you're freaking me out cuz I feel like I might be worse. Oh, I messed up on the I. That's not the only thing you messed up on.
Okay. Did you read the sentence? No. Not at all. You can read it when I tried. I hereby agree to be electronically shocked if I lose this typing Where's What? NO, BACKSPACE. NO. WAIT, CAN I SABOTAGE? BRO, you keep messing up. I GET THE PROBLEM. OH, NO. WAIT. What does that mean? Wait, he was how many words per minute? 16. 19, but then I was less accurate. Does that mean I win? It was a speed test. It was a SPEED TEST, AARON.
YOU SEE, IF I'D KNOWN THAT, I WOULD HAVE JUST DONE That's a fair point, but you didn't. And you did know that cuz that's what I opened with. Ah, you know I like getting shocked anyway. Increase my cortisol. So, with every product, we're rating them based on how much emotional damage would they inflict if you lived with it. I'll give this a four then. I could agree with that, but I also think you could get used to it. Four out of five. Okay. But, I think you'll regret it. Oh, no. Wait, so was that the human heart? No. Well, is that so? I'm confused on what. Where's the human heart? It's coming. Oh, god.
He's going to be very upset he lost that one, by the way, because I know what's next. Now, it's time to feel the pain with the Pavlok Shock Clock. What's your favorite wrist? I guess my right. So, the idea of this is you wear it when you go to bed and it zaps you awake in the morning. What do you think to the idea of it? This is horrible. But, you hereby agreed to it. I did, even though I didn't realize. Should I try and pretend to sleep? Like, oh.
You got to snore more, remember? It's supposed to help you sleep. Is that it? You think YOU'RE HARDCORE? THAT WAS PROBABLY IT. OKAY, THERE IT WAS. HAVING experienced that, Uh-huh. what do you think to it? Not a fan. But, I actually think it's quite clever. Did you notice it chimed before it zapped you? Yeah. So, you can configure how many times it does, so that just like the Pavlov dog experiment, it conditions you to wake up when you hear the chime instead of getting zapped because you know you're about to
get zapped. Ah, that's quite smart. I don't know if that's a good way to live, though. You could be right. That's why it's in this video. So, what you experienced there was a 50% shock. That was a 50% That was 50%. Whoever loses this overall competition between us takes one at 100. WHY AM I HERE? IT'S A GOOD QUESTION. ALL THE WAIVERS HAVE BEEN SIGNED, THOUGH, SO IS THIS LIVE, TOO? OH, I see what you mean. It doesn't feel good. It's terrifying. And for the record, you're more likely to lose cuz you've already taken one up. So, you rated the keyboard a four out of five.
I'll put the keyboard at two now. Two, yeah. I agree with that. And then this can be four. This could be four. That looked like it hurt. So, I think KSI deserves a massage, and we might both be getting a little treat here because the Fuzu gloves can apparently massage you while massaging someone else. Although, who is in charge of the marketing material? It looks like the woman's being kidnapped or showering. Are you feeling the need for some relaxation? Now, this is something I can get on board with. I've been told I'm a magician with my fingers. I thought this was a family show. So, these are a pair of gloves that massage you while they massage me. You
got any sore muscles? I'd say that my shoulders are a little tight. Shoulders I can do. Yeah, yeah. You tell me what feels like a vibration pattern you're into. Yeah. Let's get real intense. That's feeling. I'll take it personally if you don't like it. I guess it's kind of soothing, actually. Mhm? Besides the noise, so are you getting massaged as well? In theory, this should be pleasurable for both of us. Honestly, it kind of just feels like my nails are falling off.
I don't mind this. Yeah. You kind of get used to the sound as well. It's like a little rave. I thought so. Okay. Rate again. Ooh. Oh, you missed out. OH, NO. I THINK THAT'S A NICE ONE. YEAH, you know what? Compared to this, yeah, definitely a one. Now that we are limbered up, it's time to hit the gym in the most cursed way possible with the Squat Magic. How important is it for you to have a great bum? For my missus, it would be great. For me, maybe not so much. Might not be that into this, but this is the Squat Magic. So, it's designed to add resistance to the downward part of
your squatting motion, so that your muscles are firing the whole way through. Everyone's bum does look great in the trailers, but I'm skeptical. This is competition two. How many squats can you do in 20 seconds? Between 10 and 15. Ah, you're gaslighting me. What? I think I can win. Wait, is that me? We just took a nice photo. What's wrong with my teeth? That's how they look. It's People would pay for this. WOAH.
THAT'S A 10. I'D SAY IT'S HARDER THAN IT LOOKS. I feel like I need to lose. Go. You know what? I think you can take that one. GG. At what cost? You know what? It's pretty tame. I'll give it a one. I'll go three, so even out at a two. But, good thing is we have a scream jar. One for you, too. What? A scream jar? Yeah, so you can apparently scream into this and no one can hear you scream. If you just screamed into a normal jar, you'd very quickly fill it with air and then be unable to keep screaming. So, this has a very small hole at the end, but then the inside is filled with structures called sound baffles, which absorb as much of the sound waves as they can on their way towards that hole.
Did you hear it? UH-HUH, NO, MAN. WHY WOULD ANYONE NEED THIS? GREAT COMPARISON. PRETTY GOOD ROCK BOTTOM PURCHASE. You know when you ruin too many pillows at night screaming into them. Yeah. Do you know the best part is? It's actually a vase, too. Oh, wow. Sweet. How do you beat a two and a one? Yeah, it does the job. I'd say it's like a zero cuz Yeah. You never know when you might need one.
RIGHT, WE'VE HAD OUR WORKOUT. TIME TO compensate with some carbs with the Xbox toaster. Got to rate Xbox for, if nothing else, just being able to make fun of themselves. When people said the Series X looked like a fridge, they made a Series X fridge. And now, I guess for similar reasons, a Series S toaster. Are you PlayStation or Xbox? I'm going to have to say Xbox. Really? Yeah. You look like the one of three remaining Xbox fans. What? So, you're actually going to be very happy with the next product. Very happy. Okay. It's the Xbox toaster. What? Have you ever had Xbox toast? No. Can't say I have. All this off an Xbox pack. I don't understand. How do you play games?
The game is the toast. What is this video? Brioche, okay. Line it up mostly in the middle. So, how do you like your toast? You know, everyone has like a shade of brown that they like to I'd say light brown. Yeah. Yeah, I thought so, actually. Where's the controller? It's funny-looking controller, man. So, wait, wait, wait. So, Microsoft made this? The first console didn't work out, so they just kind of, you know, pivoted slightly. And then they Surely were like, this is the only one in the world. No, you can buy it on Amazon. Wow, it's really spoken. Oh. Oh, boy.
Gosh. Wow. What's I mean, yeah. What do you have on your toast, do you want to Some jam? Prime jam? Prime jam. Do you not have prime jam? No, no, it's normal strawberry jam. Not blue raspberry? What's going on? WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? NO, this is the most cursed meal I've ever had in my life. This is real, authentic, fresh prime jam. Homemade. Bon appetit. I've never heard this before. Does it taste like Prime? I think it does. Such a right. Maybe you should branch out. If all else fails, so five is the worst thing in the world. Zero is unhappy. You know what?
I'll give it a zero. I would agree with that. It makes toast. Does it taste of Xbox? Does it take you back to the Call of Duty lobbies? Oh. Does not apply to you. We're about to game one together. Wait, what? Mhm. So now that we've eaten out of something that looks like a gaming console, let's game on something that looks like a Well, frankly, there are no words for the Proteus controller. So we're basically going to have 2 minutes each to build our own controller that we then use to 1 v 1 on Rust. What? No. [snorts] [screaming] I have no idea what I'm doing. Use your imagination.
Okay. My phone is dead. Don't worry. I have a gadget for this. Okay, so let's mark that one shot as well. This good. I'm panicking. I've already messed up. I put the right on the left. God's sake. One rule. Oh, no. I'm actually cooked. You're cooked. Okay, wait. How do I lock this? Cool. Okay, you actually got two halves. You just need to connect them up. Oh, triggers, triggers. I think I've got it. Oh, no, this is sick. This is sick. Mine's happening. I've messed up. I might just finish early. How do I connect it? Three. All right, who needs a D-pad? One. You've got all the controls there. IT'S HIDEOUS.
YOU DON'T HAVE ANY HOW ARE YOU planning on shooting? Wait. Oh, no. I get to put them on then. Oh, great. Okay. Yeah, right at the back. Put it like that way? Yeah, you know what? Do whatever you want, man. Wait. Oh, no. My analog stick's moving the wrong way. If I go up and down, it's going left and right. This is perfect. I'm going to get you. Is yours working? Yep. Perfectly. I see you. No. Run away. Why are you aiming down? Bro, what do you mean why am I aiming down? LOOK AT MY CONTROLLER, BRO.
NO, BRO, I'M TRYING. [screaming] OH. ONE KILL. ONE MORE TO GO, BABY. ONE JOYSTICK. ONE MISPLACED JOYSTICK. OH, for crying out loud. made this work. Three. It did the job. I'm going to give it a two. 2.5. This isn't designed really for people like us. Let's say you're paralyzed on one side. This means you could have like two hands worth of controllers mapped to one hand. So from that end, it's insane. But for us, it's pretty bad. So Yeah. Okay, so you saw me put my phone on here probably 30 minutes ago. Okay. What would you say it's on? Normally, well, for 30%. 56. It's a wireless charger. Okay, that's that's actually really fast. Oh,
yeah, and it's kind of mad that ESL's portable 3-in-1 charger cools your phone while it's charging instead of heating it up. So that improves charging efficiency, and it charges your AirPods and Apple Watch, too. So link below to find out more. But there is another route that you could take if you were trying to build the most unconventional controller. You could add fries to it. What? This is outrageous. It smells good. I'm trying to work out whether I'm horrified by the idea of like greasy fries like dripping over my controller while I play, or if it's actually two things you normally do together. I guess it just makes it
easier rather than it being there. Just don't tip it downwards. Yes. Is it genius or You can also attach it actually onto the handheld itself. Better or worse? You can't actually I can't eat. It's just great for you. What a disaster of a product, seriously. Four. You've got the smell of fries like wafting in your nose all the time. And also, it's hurting my hands. But enough gaming. It's time to go maximum meathead with the Drunk Buster Goggles. Oh, drunk goggles. You know this? Yes. Why? Well, just for you in YouTube videos. You've used this before? Yeah. Oh, no, these are mad. They're a little more extreme. Wow, you look great.
No, this is extreme. So we're both playing in the Sidemen charity match. How about world's worst penalty shootout? Woah, that's crazy. No, bro, I can't even Oh my god. What the hell? Look. So penalties, yeah? I don't think I need gloves. Three shots each? Okay, sick. You think he gets faster? God damn it. Oh. How about Mero gets glasses now, yeah? Woah, how did he save that?
Oh, he's got the runner. OH, [screaming] WHAT A SHOT. Best two first goal wins then. What the hell? good. Bro, is that what my eyes look like? See it? OH MY GOD. IT'S JUST A GOLF SWING. Can you really be mad Woah, [screaming] try again. Nice shot. I got it. I got to get him in what? You can send me the payment later. ALL RIGHT, JUST [screaming] I JUST GOT A NEW PHONE CASE. WHAT DO YOU THINK? UH, YEAH, it's Yes, hello, Abby. Mhm. Uh, why? I just really like the way it looks. What is the real use? So this is a 6-lb phone case with the idea being that it makes your phone so heavy that you can't use it for doom scrolling. Makes sense, but
wouldn't you just take it out? Well, it's bolted in four times. Bolt It's bolt. Yeah, it's it's it's pretty hard to remove. Like who's carrying around a screwdriver? Take a little video. Wow. You okay there? Yeah, man. I mean, I guess it's good if you want to like get a little pump in. How easy or hard would this be to live with? Oh, yeah, kind of forgot for a little bit. I'm going to say four because I would like to use my phone easily. Would you like to use your phone less though? Nah.
Okay. So you might know that KSI is not just a YouTuber. He's also released quite a few songs. But if there's one thing that we can say for certain is that he has never listened to them on one of these. What is this? A sweet? What have you listened to music before on? What, like my phone, iPod? Wow. What do you wow? Yeah, a cassette, like You got speakers? Yeah. Oh, yeah, it's headphones, lollipop. Wait, not No, not [clears throat] lollipop. Oh. This is a bone conduction lollipop. So that when you put it inside your mouth, the contact should allow you to hear something.
You can't hear anything. Mhm. Can you not hear that? You can't. It's playing figure of it. Great lollipop as well. Wow. Is that peach? It's a new experience. This is actually really cool. Mhm. Let's say you had to listen to figure of it every time you had a lollipop from now on for the rest of your life. Where does that kind of put you in that? That'd be great. But That would be great. That would be great. I would love that. I would love that as well. What if you wanted to share your song with someone? Yo, you want to hear it, bro?
You can then also record your own sounds to play as well. What would you say to your romantic partner? OH, BABY, I LOVE YOU. YEAH. [screaming] Give me all your loving. You really want to put THAT IN YOUR MOUTH? I FEEL VIOLATED. I'M GOING TO LOWER MY RATING a bit having experienced that. I don't want that every time I eat Yeah, fair. I'm going to say zero. I know you will.
I'm going to say four, meet at two. OKAY. I DEFINITELY NEED TO CLEAN MY TEETH after that one. Thankfully, we have found the most uncanny toothbrush on the internet. What they're basically saying is stick this in your mouth, and it can clean the entire thing in 20 seconds. That's kind of cool. So 20 seconds in your mouth, and you've never felt better. Uh, wait, what? Oh, wow, it says good afternoon, KSI. How often have you been greeted by a toothbrush? This might actually be the best one, yeah. Have you ever used a disclosing tablet? No. It's to dye your teeth so you can see how well you're cleaning. Cheers.
Uh-huh. Then we can compare that to the after. Yeah, just basically got that. Other side as well. Okay. That is so interesting. Kind of painful. I'm so sorry. It's like a torture device. My teeth actually feel really clean. Bro, it saves so much time. So much time? Yeah, I might actually buy this. Oh god, I didn't think we'd be hearing that today. You look at the before and after. Wow. That's crazy, isn't it? Bro, and that was just 20 seconds. Okay, so that's like a zero out of five.
Yeah, this is really, really good. Handsome. Can we move on? But if you thought that replacing a toothbrush was a cursed idea, how about replacing human companionship with the Gemini AI-powered friend pendant? So I have something to admit. You're not actually the only guest on this video. This is my friend. Say hi. Hello. You can hear it on this phone. It talks back. What do you think of KSI? Seems loud. I bet those 100% power shocks you two have planned aren't going to be quiet. Wait, how does it know? Cuz it listens the whole time. That's wild. Wait, it says, "But for the record, I only listen when things get interesting."
But have you been listening the whole time? Yeah, for most of the day. Between the shocks and the blue jam, it's been a lot. Nah, this is tripping. Isn't that's crazy. That's like a What But why? Why do you want something that can just listen to you the whole time? The idea is you wear it around your neck and it's always listening, but then when you specifically want to ask it something, you just hold down and talk to it. I guess if you're thinking of ideas, yeah, and then you forget an
idea, you could ask it, "Oh, what was that idea that I forgot?" What did I rate the keyboard? You gave that keyboard a four or five for emotional damage. After those 16 and 19 word per minute scores, I think that was a generous rating. This would be perfect for a spy. You look like a spy. Uh no. You need to laugh. You look like a KSI fanboy. Oh, I get the intrusive concern, but I'm honestly not trying to be a spy. It's more like being the one person in the room who actually remembers the details. You're safe for now. What does IT SAY, "FOR NOW"? Do you know what? It's It's actually creeping me out a bit. It'd be great for arguments. Oh.
Wow. Did she actually say this? If you had to live every day of your life knowing that this is listening to what you're saying. I'd want to give it a one, but I feel like over time it would slowly creep up to a five. Or it would actually become really useful, like, "Where did I put my keys?" Maybe a two. Yeah, we'll give it a two, yeah. So I said at the start that we spent $10,000 on cursed tech. Mhm. So far, everything we've covered, probably a couple of thousand. So the rest of that budget has gone into what you're about to see. Oh my god. This is a human heart. Oh. Wait. What? buy one get one free, so Wait, what? Do you have a heart? Well, yes. And you like it? So we got you more. You've never heard
of a human heart before. Funnily enough, no. What the Uh What am I meant to do with this? Nah, my heart ain't this big. This is actually a very real tech product with a purpose. What purpose? You place your finger inside, this detects your pulse, and then the heart's speed along the table will match your pulse. So the final game is we're going to race each other. A heart race, as it were. Yeah, I'm pretty healthy, so I think I've I'm screwed. Two, one. [screaming] Yes! Does that count?
Do I win? YES. YES! [screaming] OH, NO. YES! [screaming] OH. MY HEART. OH, NO. WELL, you know what that means. Da done. So if you just give me like a nice three, two, one, that'd be good. Okay. You want a three, two, one? just chime me? Oh. This next beep is when it's going to zap. The beep isn't a zap. Are you zapping or ARE YOU BEEPING? [screaming] ARE YOU READY? [clears throat]
OH MY GOD. OKAY, WELL, that was a weird video. Um thanks for joining. Oh, it's good you're having me.
