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It's America's 250th birthday and our government is preserving this moment in a very special way. As part of the celebration, Congress has mandated the creation of a time capsule. The commission's chairwoman, Rosie Rios, says, quote, "We want future generations to have a clear, authentic window into who we were at 250." So, in 250 years, when future Americans open this time capsule, will they be jealous of the golden age we're currently living in? I'm asking present- day patriots what they think. Now, why is 2026 the best year in American history to preserve for future generations?
Cuz it's it's not. Not really. Oh, well, I don't think it's the best year to preserve for future generations. I would say it's not the best. I'd say Did you see how 2026 started? Yes. Sandia released like nine movies. What do you think we can put into this time capsule that's representing America in 2026? The height of American society. I was thinking like a pile of maybe. I think if somebody went and took a right outside the White House, pick it up, put in a time capsule.
Oh, that's gross. Surely people have more positive ideas and less feces based ones. What do you think we should put in this time capsule? Lena Dunham's new memoir. Lena Dunham's new memoir, Fameick. That's a really good idea. The people of the future definitely need Lena Dunham's memoir, Fameick. There was a picture of a burning Cybertruck in front of Trump Tower. I figured that quite encapsulates a few things. What do you think is more important to put in the time capsule? This map that shows Canada, Greenland, and Cuba still
as independent countries, or this Labu? This map right here. Yeah. Cuz we don't know in 250 years if they're still going to be independent. Well, we don't know if they're still going to be independent in 250 minutes. That's true. The boo boos are forever. Okay. All the pessimism on the streets was starting to get to me and soon I found myself drinking the Gatorade. Is there an item that you think represents America that you would put in the time capsule?
I'm a teacher elementary. So, a children's book. It's funny that you think children might know how to read in 250 years. I've already lost cursive. What are some other items maybe even from the Trump era that could go in there? Do you think RFK Jr.'s brainworm would survive in there? I do. I want a voice memo of him speaking just in general in there. Do you think people in the future would know that's a human speaking?
No. Yeah. No. I know what I would put in the time capsule. I would put this. Yes. But I would also put this to show that I have range. Looks like RFK's ringorm is like in your brain. Thank you. But in 250 years, who will even be around to pull these head shot from the time capsule? I don't know if there's going to be like a civilization to access it. They're probably wearing hazmat suits and you know, I mean, let's be honest, they'll probably bust this thing open in 65 years in desperate search for food. What do you think America is going to look like in 250 years?
Oh my god, they should split America in two. We should segregate again. I mean, let's face it, in 250 years, America might be a desolate wasteland. So, maybe we should put some like survival gear in this time capsule. Maybe fresh water, granola bars, a gun with a single bullet. Off the top of my head, I'm an optimist and I used to be. Clearly, the best thing to put in this time capsule is an apology letter for the state we left the country in. Maybe we can all write it together. Dear future Americans/ potential Chinese/ potential Russian citizens. We're sorry that we made mistakes. Yes. And I'm sorry that I have only attended two no kings rallies so far. We used to have trees. Hopefully, you still
have them, but if you don't, we're sorry. That was on us. We're sorry for not understanding each other well. I'm sorry that my Zoloft prevents me from making active change. Honestly, I just want to say good luck because y'all are going to need it. Things can get better. We're not responsible for any of those things, but we may have made things worse, but All right. So, how should we sign this? Regretfully. Regretfully, Americans of 2026. Our bad.
