Young Chinese Navigate Career, Love, and Tradition in a Changing Society

Every day our parents is just so worried about us. I have some friends they are same age or even older than me. Yesterday like another teacher and she's 31 and we are talking about the marriage and we feel we don't want to marry with the a man we don't love but the pressure is just from our parents. We feel we are not good daughter. Friends like some of them are got married. Some are still single. And those who are not married they are very strong. They have very successful job. When I was young I play piano I didn't think that I can be a piano teacher and play for people. But as I do that I think I need more

knowledge more skills. No in China for Chinese mall you know if you are one year difference that's a big difference. If you are 22 then you are still okay not to hurry to find a boy but when you turn the 24 well then they will be so hurry. Like now I'm treated like a old woman for my mom. My mom told me always tell you are so old. My boyfriend actually is a Canadian.

Yeah he's a Canadian from we met each other in the Swedish company where we work together. I don't care about the apartment I don't care about the his bank saving. You know we just want be together and create something big. If you are just a normal citizen a very poor people no one care about you no matter what you say. If one day you own your own money then you can make a voice. I'm cleaning some stuff that I going to take to Guangzhou. This is the should be the last day I work in Beijing. What's your organization called? Uh Beijing Gender Health Education Institute.

My personal experience as I grow up as a woman I face a lot unequal things in my life. I think that's one reason I became a feminist. And what I learned in college give me another position to see the society. Security one reason I moved to Guangzhou. The main reason is my girlfriend. I applied for music school in Turku, in Finland. And also now I start to writing Chinese music in songs. There is one person, one guy Yeah, actually he asked me to go to Finland. That's also one reason why I applied for the school. But we have one obstacle. Yeah. But he is a He's a Finnish? He's Chinese.

He's Chinese? Yeah. Okay. [clears throat] From Kunming. I see. His parents they doesn't agree that we are together. Why? His parents? Yeah. And my parents doesn't know I'm with a guy. We wrong this whole society by family and family, family, family. It's like we put a stone in the river and you will be different circle. So in the central it's your family. It's your, you know, core circle. And then there's second round, third round, different round. This is how a Chinese people build his or her network in your surround. So which means everyone is kind of connected. So I think the personal is not strong in Chinese value.

Okay. That's fine. Yeah. So it's also not easy. You know, somehow if we cannot understand how the Chinese value, but you know, for Chinese traditional person, they also cannot understand the Western style. Like why you live far away from your family or why you know For them like they also cannot understand too. [snorts] I don't get influenced and affected a lot by my family. You know, they live in the rural place. They cannot imagine how a woman don't have a husband.

I also concerned about should I come out to them to tell them I actually have a girlfriend. Sometimes I read the story of the successful family business and I wonder how it could be, you know. And then when I meet someone, I think it's possible. Everybody wants something good. Natural and healthy and um That's why we import organic products from Sweden. We plan to open our first sub subsidiary in Gothenburg.

Don't push me. So which is your favorite? I like this. Once I land on Sweden, I came back to the earth, you know. Where the animal lives and where the normal people lives. My boyfriend, he's also a Swedish because he has been living here for over eight years. I think this is for picnic. You see?

Should we buy one this? Uh? And this one for the kitchen. Yeah. Love is in the where? Air. How do you say mag in Swedish? And pose. And pose it. Mhm. Ja, vi har en ett pose. Ja. Tack. Tack så mycket. Papperspåse. Pappers. Papperspåse. Papper. Aha. Papperspåse. Pose. You do whatever you want and you I feel I'm really free. The phrasing. I think the first time when you tried it was perfect these two bars. So that you kind of you see where you are going so that don't But you start a bit lighter actually.

The other one. And even wider. Yes, and that's the crucial point. Don't accent this. This is the ending of your phrase. My boyfriend I have my boyfriend and he's taking care of me every day. And I have my playing. Yeah. I don't have that feeling at all. When did he become your boyfriend? It's uh like I think when his parents disagree I shouldn't continue this relationship but he is persuading me. He said, "I will tell them. I will take care of this and you just trust me." And then but he doesn't do anything. He just

bring me to many places and then introduce me to other people. So, that persuade me gradually that this is my boyfriend. Little by little I Yeah, I believe that he's say serious. Yeah. I wish I can It's very hard but it's really I wish I can get married. So, you talk with your mom every day? My mom talk to me every day. So, you don't answer every day? But of course I answer. If I don't answer she'll be so sad.

Oh. She just ask me, "What are you doing?" "Working." She said, "That's good." That's all. "Are you eating?" "Oh, yes. I just finished." "What did you eat?" I said I ate this and that. She said, "That's good." Mhm. How she done? Uh where did you come back from? Switzerland. How do you Y'all be home and blue back. Yeah. Of course I have to take care of my mom's feelings. When I start my conversation with her you couldn't explain to her your

dream and your goal of your life and what you want to accomplish as a human being and uh she won't understand in that level because for her it's like it's all if you don't find a boy and get married and settle down have baby then what all you said is bull It's also because we don't have social welfare system the economic reason. The parent they always feel like oh I need to be feed by my children but if my children is just the one children then it's not strong enough. They need to be a family. No more 30. I have to get married. When I was very young I involved with some feminist movement and I became an activist.

Yeah, of course I have the concern about risk. I try to make some strategy that don't don't touch the red line. And also try Red line? Red line. Where is the red line? Do you know it? You don't know it. You just guess. I still got some sort of trauma because uh previous experience. I volunteer for a girl who want to do some action in the public transportation about sexual harassment in the public space but before the day five of us get arrested and get time for no 37 days in the detention center in Beijing. But actually we didn't do anything you know fight or against the government at all but maybe in the situation there's some misunderstanding.

Yeah, because in China you will get so many troubles if you don't stand in the safe side. I was curious to meet you because Amber told me that you are here and actually I said, "Who is this boy that makes her travel you know?" Yes. Half the world. Yeah, that can make people curious. Yeah, yeah. So, what is your plan now? Mhm, now I'm working in Tokyo Philharmonic Orchestra. Yes, officially. Oh. He just got the job. I am the first Chinese player in the history of this orchestra. Then this means more years in Tokyo or Yes, perhaps the whole life. And also Amber is studying here. And maybe we can the same time

I'm working in this orchestra but we can have some violin piano concerts. around the city around Finland or we can also go to Sweden. Yeah. So, what are the parents saying? Mhm. Uh I think they will support us I think. How do you think? If I don't know. Yeah. Yeah, but I think they are very glad. They are very happy but only maybe in the heart emotionally, right? He want to be with me but uh he also doesn't want to destroy the relationship between him and his parents. Do you know why his parents said I asked him why they disagree.

He said his parents told him two reasons. One is they would like to have a woman who is doing housework for him. And second, they think I spend too much money. Really, he promised that he will talk to his parents in this holiday. But he didn't do it. So, it's the last time really my heart I feel like I cannot wait anymore. I feel so bad. But what did he say? He always ask me, "Oh, do you want a good result or you just want a result? Then I can ask them. But if the result is not good, then I don't have any choice."

Maybe I need to stop. People they didn't marry, their parents go there with photo and phone number. The parents were [clears throat] checked and recommend their daughters and their sons to other parents. Oh, yeah. Yeah, my mom did this for me also. I don't uh it's totally strange thing for me. I think we should go down. Here is like the strongest wind come from. No, even if we go down, this would be the same. It will be more?

It's the same. Okay. Maybe we can share two pizzas for three people. I think so. You decide. I pay. But and how was it meeting your Dina's parents? Yeah, for me it's I'm I'm 35 years old there. Aha, you changed the age a little bit. I did not. The our mom changed my age. For the grand for the grandparents. No. Yes. Mhm. Then she made me pass them. So, how old are you now? Uh Then you said says you. Good. But you know my grandma mhm like we all sitting on the sofa and talk. And all of a sudden my grandma said, "Oh, come to my room." You know, like a very serious.

I said, "Oh, what's happened?" And my grandma doesn't like him, you know, I was a bit stressed. Yeah? And then my grandma like I took my hand and said, "Oh, I saw Simon looks much better than what he looks in the photo." Very serious. So, now he's one more green light. And whatever [snorts] whatever she had said would not change anything. No, but just her opinion, you know, it's important, too, for her to like him. And then Is it important for you, too? Yeah, I think so. But are you still working on a project together? No, it's just me now. She's got plenty to do already with her job. I got a few offers.

You were offered job? Yes. Yeah, but it's out of my plan, out of my expectation. We start to doing this research to analyze the competitors in order to create our own position and our own retail selling price. Czech Republic, Austria, Kuala Lumpur and Shanghai, Beijing, Hangzhou. It's just for business. Sometimes I'm really confused about this individualism because here people also call say one word called respect. Like in the company, you shouldn't work more than your colleagues. Then your colleagues will feel pressure. They will

feel like, "Oh, you work so much, then we feel the pressure. So, you should work the same. You should think about the group." Then what is individualism? Yeah. In China, it's more like on the surface you see more restrict regulations. But if you dive into the situation, I think the people are pretty free. Yeah. Do you agree about that? Yeah. You even can pee in the street and no one will say a word. Yeah, actually, yes. Yeah. Like you take off your clothes and you're nude and people don't say anything. In China is Yeah, in China.

I think they are free. So, how's your day, Silva? It's good. I'm really bad at chopping. Silva is really good. It looks like you prefer to chop better than doing the balls. Mhm, because the balls is too complicated and you are good at doing complicated things. Is it true what she says? Actually, yes. But I work. I make money.

Well, we always talk about it. We don't think it's the time for China to be democracy because the majority of the people are farmers with no education. How can I trust they will vote for the right people? You know, I will become the minority if all of a sudden China become democracy. That's my deep fear. Because in a way like you would think that educated Chinese people want democracy. I think the government should win the world peace kind of Nobel Peace Award to keep the world peace by making those people stable. In order to make people work stably and the economic growth stably and we need the

system to be stable. Everyone agree with it. You don't want a war, you don't want to fight, you don't want to no government situation. So, everyone want a stable situation. And in a huge country like China, and how to make it stable is like a so tough job. It takes a lot of wisdom to make it happen. Now I'm trying to extend my visa. Um to see if I can stay here. In modern city, I can be whatever I want. But when I come back to my family, I can leave another part of myself there. Like be a good girl, be girl who have well education and who live in a big city and my parents always feel uh proud of me.

I now basically don't go to protest event anymore. I want to study a few get degree for psychological. More and more get depressed. So that's why I think I want to study psychological to learn more about how that works and learn more to help others include, you know, LGBT communities. Sometimes I feel I'm not really free here. Because there are a lot of strings, you know, a lot of like a hidden society rules. My colleagues even told me that you have to be very careful about to what you're saying. I don't know, but Sweden is supposed to be very free country. But they say, "Oh, no, no, no, you have to be very careful, especially in this group dinner and in the

group discussion and you have to be careful with a lot of things." Do you look at China differently now when you have some distance? I think I like I always love where I'm from. I never like doubt one day that I don't love the land I'm from. I think after I move to Sweden, I start to I started how to say be more justice to see to face the problem. Yeah, in my life. Because before if I have a problem, I will immediately say, "Oh, I think it's the it's because of this country, so it's not nice. Everything is not nice, you know." And then you start to blame blindly and say everything

because it's because of this country. And it's like I don't judge the way I did before. Good. Have a good night. Have a good evening. Hello for good night. Okay. All right. Okay, see you some someday. Yeah, see you someday. See you. Bye. Are you happy? Yes, very much. Did you know the news? Yeah, today is the happy day and it's a great day because I just got the news today that I got the visa. Some heavy news.

Yeah, for longer time. For long time. For years. Oh. I want to tell you like You should have a toast for Yeah, you have a toast just today. You have to have a Yeah, I'm so thankful for that. I treat you a Yeah. WHATEVER. I WENT TO LONDON for a year study and my major is understand domestic violence and sexual abuse. It's a master degree and then I come back to China during the pandemic time. You know, I got this room this year. Before I do my therapy work in home, that's a famous family writer said as a woman you need a room.

Oh, I really love to do this job. I mean, I think I find another career life I can enjoy. I like it. And I think I got certain talent to do it. I am good in a way as a therapist. So, I'm really happy. She always like to watch the mirror and come out. Do you think I look good? I'm good. Always with My girlfriend been to my family for several times. And my parents really welcome her. but we don't really talk about lesbian couple issues on the table. But I think they all kind like agree and support we have child together.

My mother say like, "Oh, you should have a two child. One for you. One for her." And I think she just worried if we broke up. I don't I get nothing. So, if you got two child, one belongs to you know, you. One belongs to her. Where are we now? It's my new home. [snorts] But it's a still But it's we are still like processing this arrangement. So, who are we? Uh it's me and my husband. The parents at both sides are very happy. Yeah. This is something unbelievable. Uh he is born also in China, but he moved to Europe when he was very little.

This is something you can't explain. This is the one. Mhm. These are some of the fishes my husband fishing. He put here and feed them. And he also uh put the fish he made here. That's a lot. A lot? And all this layers of this fish because he likes to fish. And he also You like fish? Uh I started to like it. It reminds me of Kunming. We have a lot of this kind of tree in Kunming, too. Yeah? I was little on the street. So, Kunming look.

In the January 2020, we were still planning to have our wedding and to like to get married, you know, like gather all the friends and family. And then out of sudden this pandemic happened. Hit the whole world. So, instead you instead of marrying then, you actually divorced. Yeah. He decided to move back to Canada and I want to be free. Actually, I feel so encouraged from my mom's reaction. So, first of all, she support me like when I was in a very hard time. Yeah. Before she was always, you know, blah, criticize, try to impact or influence. She feel I could not take it. So, that's why she has a lot of sympathy to me during those hard time.

Almost one two years and she hasn't pushed me at all. Yeah, of course she worried like any mom. She's also open enough to propose to me. So strange. One day she proposed to me that "Do you know that now you can use science to help you make baby without having a man? You can go to the sperm center and choose the one you want." She said, "Oh, if you don't consider getting married and have a child and maybe 35, then you need to consider that. Yeah, I have the money ready for you." So, how old are you now? I'm uh 34. Yeah. So young. Yeah, I feel I'm very young to be honest.

Once I land in Shanghai, I did immediately feel so relaxed. Yeah. And when I'm also in Nordic, I feel home. It's uh it's maybe back to this feeling that I'm on this moment. I'm at present. I'm not sure what will be the future. But I have a lot of faith and uh confident on woman. Or hoping the people themselves. Waste no time. Mix their lives with the truth. And watch it melt into ending.